Fusistance is retile...

Random Quotes Monday

2010-01-25T09:15:00.000-08:00

This one just really made me smile when I heard it...

"Go home, find a wench, raise fat babies, live a good long life. "

... probably because of the person who was saying it. Ultra-warm-snugs to anyone who can name what it's from and who said it without looking it up! ... and maybe a cookie too. *grins*

In springtime, the only pretty ring time, birds sing hey ding...

2010-01-19T15:35:00.000-08:00

Well it's that time of year again! Sort of. It's really not spring yet, but my classes for the spring semester start tomorrow so, as far as the school term is concerned it's spring. I know it's way colder for other peoples in different places, but I've been in the desert too damn long now and dammit, I'm cold if it's under 70 degrees. Then again thanks to this lovely mentalpause stuff [menopause for all the gents following along] I'm cold if it's under 80 degrees, but I'm roasting if it's over 80.5... so I'm pretty much just fucked. *grins*

It's going to be an interesting semester, my last one on the 'smaller' campus that's actually not too far away from home. I managed to set my classes to just Mon/Wed/Fri.. I would've preferred Tues/Thurs... but of course pretty much everything that I could take is only offered five days a week or three. Three seemed less painful somehow. I'll be stuck on campus basically all day, of course, but at least my pal sapphy (who was in my geology class *smiles*) will be in the evil mathness class with me - so I'll have someone to headdesk and/or facepalm with when things seem particularly stupid. *grins*

I'm taking my comm class this semester, with my brother (that ought to make things ... well we'll just use the word 'interesting' for now to avoid seeming judgmental *hehe*), we opted for 'small groups' rather than 'public speaking'. Honestly anyone who knows me knows I've got no problem speaking in public (it's shutting me up that's the trick *winks*). I'm also taking the abnormal psych class that my favourite teacher has insisted I need to take (she really feels very strongly that this particular instructor is the best one to take abnormal psych with so I figure it's worth it to see). I'm retrying the evil mathness class, since online definitely didn't work for me, I've already started chanting my "just get through it" mantra in hopes of making it go more swiftly. It's my last class, though, that really has my curiousity intrigued - I needed one more to round out my credits and was a bit limited on what (since I promised my brother we'd take our english and foreign language classes together and he's not doing that this semester)... there were plenty of women studies courses but that just seemed so feminist cliche somehow, instead I'm trying another online course (I figure without the stupid mathness involved I should do fine with it) - "future studies 101". Yeah, you read that right, future studies. The actual name of the class is "dimensions of the future" - I figure it's impossible to get less than an A in this course because it's all going to be opinion and such so how can anyone be graded poorly (assuming semi-decent grammar of course). We shall see how it goes.

And now, even though I'm just about bouncing with excitement ready for my first class, it's off to bed I go in an attempt to get a little sleep before my rainy first day begins. :)

Quickie..

2010-01-10T16:42:00.000-08:00

I've had a few complaints because there have been so few posts from me lately ... so, in the interest of making a few people relax:

NO, I'm not dead.
NO, I haven't "stopped blogging."

I'm just taking a lil time off mostly away from the computer during my winter break because last semester was brutal (and that's mostly my own fault for choosing the wrong classes to have at the same time *chuckles*). The new semester starts in about a week and a half, I'll probably start blogging more regularly again right about then, or a few days before that.

See, told ya'll I wasn't dead. :P

Random Quotes Monday

2010-01-04T08:05:00.000-08:00

And now for the very first post on my wicked bloggy of silliness in the new decade: a random quote on the first Monday of 2010!!!! *inserts much cheering and confetti tossing*

"People die when they are killed."

You geeks should know this one without googling *grins* and Drew dear, no helping them by being the first to answer (cuz I know that you know it, I'm that positive *grins*).

The Night Before Christmas ....

2009-12-26T20:15:00.000-08:00

Although it's a few days late, I thought we all might enjoy a bit of traditional holiday poetry. I just had to share it after I read my email *grins* - in some ways better and in some ways worse than the original:

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.

Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through there cerebrums.

My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller.

With his ungulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptable.

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container.

He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptable.

Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage.

He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."

I truly, truly hope that this brought a smile to a few faces and that absolutely everyone had a wonderful Christmas this year. *smiles*

~loves!~

Random Quotes Monday

2009-12-21T08:17:00.000-08:00

Every so often I find these fantastic gems that make me giggle. Me and the *ONE* friend of mine who might be able to identify what it's from.... *giggles insanely*

Person 1: Unless they go in the next hour, I am going to tell your mother that I'm a psycho biker junkie whore.
Person 2: It's just for the weekend!
Person 3: No. Not another hour. Not another minute! I'm about to stop playing "who shall I kill first" in my head and just go for what feels natural.
Person 2: *gurgles*
Person 3: I think I'll start with me, then it's you.
Person 1: *said threateningly* Make them go.

Honestly how could you *not* giggle at this?? Especially that first line! :P

Things I've Learned...

2009-12-14T10:15:00.000-08:00

Right so it's been a while since I've done one of these and I've got a few moments to kill before my only final, so since it was on my mind, here ya go:

- when you're a girl and you don't shave your legs for like a month because you've been sick and super, super, super, super, super, super, super busy and just so not feeling the whole shower drama of "gawd I need to shave my legs again.. sighs" .... and then you finally do (mostly because you're about to go on vacation and "have to just in case!!") .... it's rather similar to chopping down whole acres of the rain forest - you see exotic birds and cats and things go fleeing for their lives. Seriously.

- spontaneous trips to Las Vegas are expensive... but fun.

- having a full course load of nothing but courses that require essay type assignments? Bad Idea.

- being an over-achiever? Good Idea!! Example: scoring 137% in some classes equates to not having to take the final at all and still having an A for a grade. Cha-ching!! :P

- what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas... so long as no one around had a camera and functioning batteries.

- self-preservation kicks all sorts of senses into high gear, it even improves memory so that one remembers to steal the SD card from any camera's that may have been present when things might have happened that weren't supposed to be recorded! Amazing!

- denying all knowledge of things that occur in other states is only convincing and believed if the state isn't Nevada apparently.

- Elvis is alive and well at the little chapel of love... and one of the shops in Caesar's Palace apparently.

- my cats love my brother way more than me, as evidenced by the fact that they behaved like absolute angels while I was gone. WTF is that about?!

- when you have enough silver hairs, people will tell you that you barely look twenty-five if they really want to sell you something. This generally works really well, apparently, unless you have a tendency to scoff and blurt things like "as if, fuck off psycho" to anyone you don't already know who approaches you with too wide a smile in crowded places.

- inexpensive rings are often the nicest. *looks angelic*

- Jeff Dunham is so hysterically funny live it makes your face hurt for a week after seeing the show...

- pink is actually kinda purtyful sometimes, but pink and sparkly is way better...

- dragons are awesome - not something I just learned, but it bears repeating from time to time. *grins*

And yanno, I think I'm gonna leave it at that before I somehow get myself into trouble - hey, peanut gallery!, try not to spill any beans today eh? *winks*

Random Quote Mondays

2009-12-14T07:22:00.000-08:00

So my mom has been on me again lately about forgiving others and forgiving myself and forgetting about things so that I can be healthier and happier or some such thing....

Some people say forgive and forget. Nah, I don't know. I say forget about
forgiving and just accept. And... get the hell out of town.

Yeah, I like that better. Acceptance is so much more realistic. And I need to get outta dodge anyway - can't stand it here. :P

Sit on Kinky Santa's Lap!!!

2009-12-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

Seriously, it's worth it! If you haven't joined Fetlife yet you really should so that you can participate in the Sit on Kinky Santa's Lap giveaway. *grins*

Yeah, I admit it, I totally just pimped their giveaway. *smirks*

(What? I want the extra chances to win! *purrrgrowls* I want that 'spensive .. um .. nah, I'm not gonna tell unless I win! :P )

Random Quote Mondays

2009-12-07T09:48:00.000-08:00

I like twisted stuff:

Yermo! Zevo! We're driving to Mexico in 10 minutes. Stop drinking or you'll get an IUD.

Same movie, later, different person *grins*

Maybe I could just steal a kid. They're small. How hard can that be?

And remember, if anybody asks, he fell down the stairs. *nods*

Words of Wisdom...

2009-12-02T11:45:00.000-08:00

Let's see what wisdom the cookie holds for us today!:

The greatest truths are the simplest and so are the greatest men.

Clearly the cookie writers never met my exhusband.

Random Quote Mondays

2009-11-30T09:35:00.000-08:00

Yanno, cartoons rock, honestly. They can be so revealing of our society and governmental processes and stuff...

Commander, do something violent!

Yes!!!! Finally, the truth about how 'acts of aggression' really work comes to light!!! *giggles*

Words of Wisdom...

2009-11-25T09:45:00.000-08:00

I could really use some good news, like a cookie that says 'play these lucky numbers, guaranteed to win!' or something:

The only thing we know for sure about future developments is that they will develop.

*rolls eyes* Well that's not exactly very helpful. *grumbles* Not playing the lucky numbers from this cookie, I can tell ya that. *harumphs* :P

Random Quote Mondays

2009-11-23T07:15:00.000-08:00

And now for something a little foreign:

Kheperu (my dramatic fluffy fatkitten):

MOW!!! Moooooooowohowowoooooh. MewowooooohmowMEEEWoooooohmow?! Meeeeeeeew?

Translation (for Humans who *ahem* have not had the common sense to take a course in Housecat):

FEED ME!!! I am in my designated feeding area and yet food has not appeared. Don't you know I'm DYING this very second from your slow, inept feeding procedures?! Moooom?

What? I never said the quotes would make sense or have meaning. *scoffs, rolls eyes, chuckles*

Not so tasty treats...

2009-11-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

Here's an "interesting" story about campus life and the importance of education.

In a biology class, the instructor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A female freshman raised her hand and asked "if I understand, you're saying there's a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?"

"That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add statistical information.

Raising her hand again the girl asked, "then why doesn't it taste sweet?"

After a stunned silence the whole class burst into laughter. The poor girls face turned bright red as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather, implied). She picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class, never to return. However, as she was going out the door, the instructors reply was classic. Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "it doesn't taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue, not at the back of your throat."

Words of Wisdom...

2009-11-18T10:05:00.000-08:00

My brother and I have been working out more and stuff, ostensibly to be healthier, but I think it's more because he wants to look sexy in a suit again or something and he's just viciously dragging me along for the ride (it's boring to exercise alone or something).

A man who trims himself to suit everybody will soon whittle himself away.

*blinks* !! I should maybe tell him the cookies say he should worry more about himself than what others think?

Random Quote Mondays

2009-11-16T08:45:00.000-08:00

Who you gonna call?:

Just call Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig, paranormalists at large. Spooks spooked, goblins gobbled, UFOs K.O.ed, aliens alienated, vampires evaporated, and monsters remonstrated.

Seriously, cuz the Ghostbusters never offered to remonstrate any monsters, evaporate any vampires or alienate any aliens. *nods solemnly*

Physics Test From Hell

2009-11-15T09:27:00.000-08:00

Note: The Physics Test From Hell joke has been circulating for over a decade. In that time it has been tweaked, adjusted and even changed completely several times. To the best of my knowledge (based largely in part on the fact that this is the joke as I received it in 1997) this is the "original" version. No, I do not know if it really is a "true story". Enjoy it anyway. :P

True story: A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof." Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.
#1 So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
#2 Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will drop until hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Therese Banyan during Freshman year that "it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and hell is exothermic.

The student got the only "A".

Words of Wisdom...

2009-11-11T07:20:00.000-08:00

At times I get a little worried about what might come out of the cookie...:

Joy is the feeling of grinning on the inside.

... doesn't that also qualify as psychosis sometimes? *o.O*

Random Quote Mondays

2009-11-09T07:20:00.000-08:00

Who can resist a lil silliness from time to time, particularly when it references something amazingly talented? :P

Yakko:
I am the very model of a cartoon individual
My animation's comical, unusual, and whimsical
I'm quite adept at funny gags, comedic theory I have read
From wicked puns, and stupid jokes, to anvils that drop on your head

I'm very good at fancy dances, I can even pirouette
Then smack the villain with a fish; I know my cartoon etiquette
I can make my face all mean and really give you quite a fright
Then make up with flowers made of real exploding dynamite

When in a jam, I just yell "stop" and villians in their tracks are froze
Then I sneak up, and utter "start" and take my hands and honk their nose
I am quite proud to be in such a hierarchial progeny
From Daffy Duck and Tweety Bird to Babs and Buster Bunny

To suit my mood I can call forth a lot of different sceneries
Like outer space and desert scapes and Himalayan eateries
From this bag here why I can pull most anything imaginable
Like office desks and lava lights and Bert who is a cannibal

Yakko,Wakko and Dot:
You see in matters comical, unusual, and whimsical
We are the very model of cartoon individuals!

*giggles and hums to herself*

Oddball Specs..

2009-11-08T11:30:00.000-08:00

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number, why was that gauge used? Well because that's the way they were built in England, and the first US railroads were built by English expatriates.

But why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines in Europe were designed and built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

So why did "they" use that gauge? Well, the people who designed and built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that same wheel spacing.

Okay, but why did the wagons use that rather odd wheel spacing then? Because when they tried to use any other spacing the wagons were prone to breaking down on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.

So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were all made to certain specifications for or by Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Thus we have the answer to the original question! The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification (Military, as it were) for an Imperial Roman army war chariot.

But that does seem to leave one nagging question. Why did the design of the war chariots incorporate that specific, odd wheelbase? Because ... the chariots were designed to be just wide enough to accommodate the back end of two war horses.

So the next time you're handed some oddball specification and you assume that some horse's ass was responsible for coming up with it, you may actually be entirely correct!

Words of Wisdom...

2009-11-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the cookies are pretty smart:

The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.

Case in point. *smiles*

Random Quote Mondays

2009-11-02T08:30:00.000-08:00

Oh the truth hidden in entertainment (and history)...

So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause.

Yep, that's usually the way.

Who broke the walls??

2009-11-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

A visiting church school inspector asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him.

The inspector, taken aback by his lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny, as well as his whole family, very well and can vouch for them - if little Johnny said he didn't do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth.

Even more appalled the inspector goes tot he regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening the man replies "I can't see why you're making such a big issue out of this. We'll get three quotes and fix the damned wall!"

Words of Wisdom...

2009-10-22T10:10:00.000-07:00

I think the cookies mock me sometimes:

Courtesy is one of the best peacemakers.

HA!!! No it's not, sometimes trying to be courteous actually causes more problems, not less. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about (but I'll be nice and won't share, just in case certain peoples are reading along and figure out I was referring to them, cuz that might be bad for my bottom...)

Words of Wisdom...

2009-10-15T07:08:00.000-07:00

*cracks open the cookie* Let's see what it has in store for me this week....

You are about to begin a prosperous business venture.

o.O! ... really? Nifty!! ^.^

Words of Wisdom...

2009-10-08T08:04:00.000-07:00

*sobs* Even the cookies are against me sometimes!:

Every person is the architect of his own fortune.

.... this is why people think we all need to take evil mathness I bet, someone saw this fortune ages ago and decided "well, if we're all architects, we better all be good at math!" .... *mutters and plots*

Pardon Me While I Remove My Bra....

2009-10-06T23:44:00.000-07:00

This just really, really, really tickled my funny bone, so I had to share it. Because it prompted me to share it with a friend and then say to him "Ohmigosh!! A possibly toxic gas!! Hold on, let me just remove my bra..." which got an "amen!" response. *grins* Apparently he's not concerned so much with the possibly dying so much as the freed bewbies. :P

We now return you to your regularly scheduled sanity. :)

Random Quote Mondays

2009-10-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

It's been on a lot lately, but man every time I hear this line it cracks me up!:

But... what could be more important than planetary conquest??

What indeed, my good Beldar, what indeed! ;)

Words of Wisdom...

2009-10-01T16:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I worry that the 'advice' the cookies give might be hazardous to my health... :

To make the cart go, you must grease the wheels.

... *nose twitches* ... Right, so wonder-klutz (moi) can then kill herself going near any kind of incline (even a mild one). *nods*

Random Quote Mondays

2009-09-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, simplicity is best:

The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion.
~ Arabian Proverb ~

*whispers* See what I mean? ;)

Words of Wisdom...

2009-09-24T07:08:00.000-07:00

My favourite cookies are the ones that have a good message but aren't written fabulously:

The one who would be constant in happiness must frequently change.

See? How can you not love that and giggle?

Random Quote Mondays

2009-09-21T08:13:00.000-07:00

*grins* While it may be a bit egotistical, sometimes it's nice to quote oneself (particularly when the person you said it to responds by calling the comment the "quote of the month!" *hehe*):

Complexity is comparative. Appreciating the simple things just opens one to the potential for a lot more smiles, joy .. and yummy kink.

*nods* Yep, that kinda stuff comes out of my mouth all the time, and apparently sometimes it's worth remembering! :P

Words of Wisdom...

2009-09-17T06:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered if the writers of fortune cookies get freaked out by all the "wisdom" and stuff they have to deal with all the time?

Don't worry about the world coming to an end. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

*blinks* .... I'm betting this one means one of the writers had a severe freak out "the world's gonna end man! It's gonna END!!!" *insert sound of other writer bitchslapping him* "Pull yourself together man! The world isn't going to end!" ... why are you looking at me like that?

Random Quote Mondays

2009-09-14T07:30:00.000-07:00

I found this as the 'signature' at the bottom of a post somewhere on IMDB and, well, it's just .. awesome:

My brain is wild jungle full of scary gibberish.

*giggles* How could I not share this?? :P

VMA Sheepness

2009-09-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

So since we were bored, my brother and I watched the VMA's on MTV live. And now I'm going to share my thoughts, uncensored as usual, anyone who doesn't like them can feel free to say whatever they like but I figure - it's my blog, I'll voice my opinions as I see fit. :P

Madonna began the show with what has to be one of the most eloquent chastisements I've ever heard in my life - laying some seriously harsh guilt on anyone present and anyone watching for how we treated Michael Jackson before he died. She had my admiration already because as an artist she's pretty talented, now she has my respect as well. Brava!!

And the montage to MJ! So very nice, it was both touching and awesome to see Janet perform Scream 'with' him again, but wow the look on her face when it ended - think she's still (justifiably, in my opinion!) angry at how the world treated her brother the past decade or so?

Poor Russel Brand - I swear I don't think the audience knew how to respond to him, they were hardly laughing at his funny comments at all! Honestly I think it was making him improvise quite a bit trying to get a reaction and it just wasn't working. Then again, maybe it was just that audience, there were quite a few moments where they should've reacted to something in performaces and barely did. Oh well. (Oh yeah, and I think he's cute too, just a random thought. *grins*)

Taylor Swift I gotta say - I feel seriously bad for her. Talk about RUDE! Kanye West going up there and taking the mic from her to voice his displeasure that Beyonce didn't win while Swift was trying to stutter out a stunned thank you ... that was just seriously beyond rude of him. Rude, rude, rude, rude, rude!!!

Lady Gaga's performance of Paparazzi .... wasn't surreal, wasn't meaningful, wasn't entertaining... honestly it was about the most amazingly tweaked out garbage I've ever seen. Wow. Just wow. And let's not even discuss her multiple wardrobe changes through the night, hoooooooo boy... More Wow.

Beyonce performing Single Ladies live was insane - holy smokes! Damn sexy woman. *grins* Muse gave a pretty decent performance too, now I just need to figure out where I've heard them before... :) Gotta admit, I'm happy that Eminem won for his video - it was pretty awesome. *grins* It was also really amusing watching him give Lady Gaga her award (I swear he looked like he didn't want to be standing anywhere near her! *chuckles*), he tried so hard to just stay a few feet away and not look horrified.

Pinks performance was ... amazing. Holy smokes (yet again) - I'm thinking that the guy on the trapieze with her is a pretty happy man. :P Seriously, that was downright impressive.

Beyonce, another lady who had my admiration that now has my respect! How sweet of her to call Taylor Swift back out to try her thank you's again, that was such a lovely, thoughtful and respectful thing to do. It's really lovely when people do the right thing like that. *smiles*

The final performance - Jay Z and Alicia Keys, yanno... I was pretty disappointed. They hyped it to be like a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge big thing, and while Keys was beautiful and gave a fantastic performance, to me Jay Z looked like it was a normal every day performance without much thought involved...

Ah well, now it's time for bed - us college students need sleep! :)

Words of Wisdom...

2009-09-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

I sometimes worry that my fortune cookies are going to moralize... or worse, talk as if they're in some sort of "relationship" with me or something:

They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them.

OHmigod! The cookies are stalking me!

Random Quote Mondays

2009-09-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

And now for something completely random:

... next to her cheap silicone I look minimal, that's why in front of your eyes I'm invisible...

*grins* I really adore that...

Things I've learned...

2009-09-05T20:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've shared a "things I've learned" post - because I was hyper busy over my "summer", so I think today's might be longish as I'll toss in a few of the things I learned this past summer for fun. :)

Going back to school at thirty-one isn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be.

Especially when I compare it to the "what would that be like?" thoughts I had when I was a teen and couldn't even imagine being thirty-one, cuz how could anyone ever actually get that old to begin with? :P

It really sucks to be surrounded by dozens upon dozens of hot young coeds ... because most of them are a decade younger than me.

Some of them are more than a decade younger than me; my campus has a whole slew of advanced high school students on it. I now ask people their age within seconds of meeting them. Just to be safe. (Remember - sixteen will get you twenty, or a really pissed off mom/dad who wants to harm ya!)

Taking classes over the summer: SUCKS!!

Taking evil, rotten, disgusting, frustrating, worthless math classes over the summer REALLY sucks.

Getting a 3.923 that first semester back was nice. Getting a 4.0 for my summer semester (which raised my overall GPA to a 3.947) was nicer.

I'm really hoping my awesome grades for the current fall semester will raise it even farther. Not something I learned, obviously, but it fit in to the conversation rather nicely. :P

Getting my invitation to Phi Theta Kappa made me squeee!

Getting the invitation the same day the moron roommate had to be finished moving out by ... made me squee and bounce!

Having the moron roommate move out before the semester was really on it's way was a fantabulous idea for which my mother deserves lots of hugs (and some cookies). :D

Not having to clean up after an idiot who is apparently incapable of learning from past mistakes and cannot follow the simplest of directions.... RAWKS! Seriously, it's better than sliced bread.

There is, apparently, only one math instructor who I don't have a serious OCD personality clash with. It sucks to have learned this one because she's not teaching the course I needed to take this fall to be done with the evil shit, though ultimately none of this surprises me.

Learning the above because my instructor for this semester made Hitler look like a really nice guy, really sucked. And caused a momentary psychotic break.

"Momentary" enough that I had the bright idea to sign up for the course online to get rid of the "having to deal with a bitch every day of the week" issue.

Taking evil mathness as an online course ... goes way past "psychotic". Apparently I really am a totally masochistic pain slut, who knew? *looks baffled*

Confirming that I'm a masochist by electing to sign up for two mostly independent study type extra courses in an effort to avoid keeping the p.e. course my lil brother talked me into makes him giggle.

Particularly since I ended up deciding to keep the damn p.e. course. *mrfs*

Yep, I think that pretty much covers it. *grins*

Apparently I'm a masochist or something...

2009-09-05T19:37:00.000-07:00

Random eh? *chuckles* Well, see for a grand total of 13 credits, this is what my semester looks like:

Mat 151; college algebra online... apparently this is going to require nine to fifteen hours per week depending on how well I catch on to the stupid shit.

Psy 102; independent lab usually concurrent with psych 101, but I figured it'd be a way to help reinforce the things I learned last spring (since psych is my major *smiles*), roughly twenty hours of work (I believe) to complete.

Psy 132; psych & culture, MWF for an hour of lecture, probably about five hours of work per week with the essays / projects, because I'm obnoxiously good at that kind of work.

Psy 298ac; "special project", an independent study approved by the department head. I'm using mine to do an intensive review of the available literature surrounding what I want to specialize in *grins* ... and it was my idea! I figure it'll probably required about fortyish hours of work through the semester for me to be happy with it.

Rel 243; world religions, an overview, MW for an hour of lecture... and then roughly eight hours of work on each packet we have to complete per section. And I'm taking it as an honors course, so I also have a paper to write on specific articles the instructor chose and I have to create an altar or something for my other project (I haven't read that one yet *heh*), both due before mid-term! (This too was my idea. *grins*)

Ped 101; weight training, essentially it's just access to the gym, but it requires acruing at least 25 hours through the semester, bleeeeeeeeh, still not sure why I decided to keep the evil thing.

Originally I was going to take ASL as a 101 course as well, but then I discovered (on the first day of class) that it's actually an immersion course (the catalogue failed to mention this!) and every student present (except my brother and I) was taking it as a refresher course ... So we decided to keep the book and familiarize ourselves with it a bit before trying it again probably next semester. *chuckles* I figure with the hours I have to put into my other classes having sigh language as well would've probably made my brain implode. *nods!*

It's going to be a fun semester though! Not counting the evil worthless torturous rotten mathness I actually like and wanted all my classes! *grins* Told you I'm a masochist. :P

Sex Meme

2009-09-04T10:25:00.000-07:00

This is Nyxies fault, the questions were too fun to pass up. :P

This is Isabella’s Sex Meme. Anyone is welcome to steal it but you must post this rules blurb at the beginning of the meme:

1. You must include this link to Sex Talk: Sex Advice for Men
2. You must answer every question! If you don’t have a good answer, you are strongly encouraged to make up something good; we like to be entertained.
3. You must tag 3 people.

1. Sex in the Morning or Sex at Night?
Both! Technically 3 a.m. is morning. ;)

2. Better Sex Music: Sade or Marvin Gaye?
Better by far - Disturbed!

3. Naughty Pics or Naughty Home Video?
Pics are easier to deny, definitely pics.

4. Fabulous Sex With: Dr. Doug Ross or Dr. Greg House?
HOUSE!!! .... House = LUST! *purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs*

5. Vibrator or Dildo?
Dildo - I don't do the buzz thing.

6. Bedroom Sex: Lights Off or Lights On?
Either one works for me, though admittedly if they're off it makes it easier to keep my bits from being spanked by certain feisty people who seem to enjoy that...

7. Word preference: Pussy or Cunt?
Cunt. Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt! I love that word, seriously, it's so deliciously abrasive, curt, powerful... Yum!

8. Spanking Over the Knee or Spanking Only During Sex?
Depends on my partner and what they're trying to accomplish, they're both fun but they tend to have different meanings/responses for/from me.

9. More Exciting: Sex in an Elevator or Sex in an Airplane?
"Elalator go down da hooooooole!" ... definitely elalator, there's more room to maneuver. *twisted grin*

10. Ron Jeremy or Peter North?
... hrm. Think I've gotta go North, those pecs are just so pretty!

11. Word preference: Cock or Dick?
Cock definitely. For some reason the word "dick" makes me picture really under endowed gents, there's nothing wrong with that, of course, but it's not my preference.

12. Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson?
Marilyn Chambers or Annette Haven.

13. Rope Bondage or Bondage Tape?
Rope. I break out of tape too easily.

14. Give a Rim Job or Receive Anal Sex?
Anal sex, definitely anal sex.

15. Get Rich Stripping in a Skanky Bar or Get Rich as a Call Girl for Celebs?
Can't I just do it the old fashioned way - marry a wealthy old geezer and hump him through a few heart attacks?

16. Which threesome: Boy/Girl/Girl or Boy/Boy/Girl?
Depends on my mood - though admittedly there's something delicious about two cocks just for me... ;)

17. Flavored Oil or Tingling Oil?
Either so long as they aren't sticky - I can't stand sticky.

18. Pearl Necklace or Swallow?
Only my lovers know. :P

19. Sex While Strangers Watch or Sex with a Stranger?
I'm not into anonymous sex, never have been. If the sex is good enough, I'm not gonna notice if anyone's watching.

20. Tied to the Bed or Tied to a St. Andrew’s Cross?
CHAINED to a St. Andrew's Cross! ;)

Words of Wisdom...

2009-09-03T19:15:00.000-07:00

So let's see what mr. fortune cookie has for me today!:

Your troubles will soon cease and good fortune will smile upon you.

So either I'm about to come into all sorts of money (did I even have an old uncle Harold?) or I'm going to find out I don't actually need to take math after all! *blinks* Ooooh that'd be lovely...

Revelations

2009-09-03T18:12:00.000-07:00

I realized something today. Something important. Something that just... explains everything.

Somewhere out there in the great big US of A there's a mad bomber terrorist guy who hates baseball. He hates it so very, very, very, very much (both because it's insanely complicated for such an easy game and because it's so thoroughly American - therefore, evil) that he picked a random name from a phone book (mine, apparently) and began to devise a plan. A horrible plan meant to destroy the very heart and soul of the game!

That plan includes peppering math books with absurd word problems about baseball and, eventually, finding me so that he can forcibly drag my ass to some random nearby stadium and make me do these evil, pointless, cruel math problems. Apparently if I don't do them, he'll destroy the world of baseball or something.

Honest, that has to be what's going on.

I've racked my brain! I can't come up with any other reason why it's so damn important for me to know how to find the distance between the right fielder and second base or the center fielder and third base to one decimal place. (And don't even ask me why the right fielder wants to go to second base or whatever, cuz I haven't got a fuckin clue.)

Seriously, it has zero bearing in my life goals, so it has to be because there's an evil terrorist plot. I mean, terrorists are devious after all, they'll go out of their way to spend years getting a degree and writing a math book and changing curriculums so as to force me to have to sit through all this utter tripe that I loathe so completely no matter how good I may be at it ultimately.

Devious I tell you!

*whimpers* ... I think I need a serious cookie. :(

Random Quote Mondays

2009-08-31T05:45:00.000-07:00

I know, I know! Where the heck have I been?! Well, this story and more! will be covered this week (at some nebulously random point). In the meantime let's start getting back on track with our normal, totally random Monday quote! *grins*

"I think it was Donald Mainstock, the great amateur squash player, who pointed out how lovely I was. Until that time, I think it was safe to say that I'd never really been aware of my own timeless brand of loveliness. But his words smote me, because, of course, you see, I am lovely, in a fluffy, moist kind of a way and who could ever think otherwise. I walk, let's be splendid about this, in a lightly-scented cloud of gorgeousness that isn't a far shot from being quite simply terrific. The secret to smooth, almost shiny loveliness, of the order which we are discussing in this simple, frank, creamy-soft way, doesn't reside in oils, unguents, balms, ointments, creams, astringents, milks, moisturizers, linaments, lubricants, embrocations or balsams, to be simply divine for just one noble moment; it resides, and I mean this in a pink, slightly special way, in one's attitude of mind. To be gorgeous and high and true and fine and fluffy and moist and sticky and lovely, all you have to do is to believe that one is gorgeous and high and true and fine and fluffy and moist and sticky and lovely. And I believe it of myself, tremulously at first and then with mounting heat and passion because, stopping off for a second to be super again, I'm so often told it. That's the secret really."

Hugs to one and all! :D

Random Quote Mondays

2009-08-03T06:29:00.000-07:00

*hums along quietly*

Don't place faith in human beings, human beings are unreliable things...

Sad but true, sad but true.

Words of Wisdom...

2009-07-29T08:14:00.000-07:00

I bet this is another 'joke' cookie:

Appearances can be deceiving, but you're not fooling anyone.

... that or they really ARE stalking me!

Random Quote Mondays

2009-07-27T06:57:00.000-07:00

Today I need to share something silly, so here it is:

SpongeBob: Why don't you go home, Patrick? You can compete in the Laying-Under-A-Rock-All-Day Games.
Patrick: Well at least I don't polish my fingernails.
SpongeBob: You take that back! *points at Patrick, his fingernail glints*
Patrick: Fingernails! Fingernails! Fingernails!
SpongeBob: You don't even have fingernails!
Patrick: *splutters* I canNOT believe what I'm hearing!
SpongeBob: How can you hear it? You don't have ears either!
Patrick: You... You... Holes! Holes!
SpongeBob: Conehead!
Patrick: Yellow!
SpongeBob: Pink!

*giggles!*

{We now return you to your regularly scheduled Monday Madness.}

Words of Wisdom...

2009-07-22T07:22:00.000-07:00

Someone snuck in one of those "naughty joke" cookies I think:

You have the ability to touch many people ... in bed.

... course, that doesn't detract from how true it is. :P

Random Quote Mondays

2009-07-20T07:35:00.000-07:00

So from my favorite episode of a series playing reruns now:

"What are you people lookin' at? Well?!"
"They're lookin' at the wee little puppet man. "

*giggles hysterically* God but I loved that...

Words of Wisdom...

2009-07-15T10:04:00.000-07:00

*whispers in awe* How does it KNOW these things?!?:

You are about to begin a prosperous business venture.

... they're stalking me aren't they?

Random Quote Mondays

2009-07-13T06:47:00.000-07:00

Can ya guess where this is from?:

"Wow. That was a lot of evil packed into one sentence."
"Thank you."

*smirks* Somehow that just seems so ... perfect.

Words of Wisdom...

2009-07-09T06:43:00.000-07:00

And now for our weekly dose of Fortune Cookie goodness!!:

Some people dream of worthy accomplishments while others stay awake and do them.

Ooooh, that was kind of a mean cookie wasn't it?

Random Quote Mondays

2009-07-06T08:19:00.000-07:00

Every so often we just need to remember the obvious:

Oh! Don't fall! You know falling is bad right? Be careful! There's a lot of gravity over there!

*giggles* Yanno, falling isn't really that bad, it's kind of fun actually... it's just the smacking the ground part that's not so awesome. ;)

Happy Happy...

2009-07-04T20:17:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July everyone!

Happy birthday USA!

Today's been such an improved 4th that I'm foregoing my normal Independence Day rant. I hope it's been just as kind to all of you. *grins*

Before I go - vets everywhere, past, present and future, you're in my good thoughts today as always, I hope you're keeping as safe as you can and know that there are people who appreciate all that you do. *smiles*

Words of Wisdom...

2009-07-02T09:30:00.000-07:00

Once in a while I'm pretty sure I actually am getting 'messages' in my cookies. *nods sagely*

Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.

So where's my recognition and rewards already? Haven't I beaten enough people yet? I can beat more if I need to, honest! :D

Random Quote Mondays

2009-06-29T07:42:00.000-07:00

Talk about random:

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99: If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked… You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

... yes, trust him on the sunscreen - particularly if you live in some godforsaken DESERT like I do! *grins-n-winks*

Words of Wisdom...

2009-06-25T15:13:00.000-07:00

There is wisdom to be found within the golden cookies...

In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Right... so.... I believe that a wealthy prince is going to knock on my door and declare his undying love and insist we get married immediately so that he can lavish enormous jewels upon me. *taps toe waiting* .. well c'mon, start aknockin!

Random Quote Mondays

2009-06-22T09:20:00.000-07:00

Just too good to pass up:

Ooohh! Why does everything I whip leave me?

*giggles* Not a pout I'm familiar with myself, but it's still cute. *hehe*

Words of Wisdom...

2009-06-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

*sings to herself about fortune cookie writers and the lives they probably lead*

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

... only in a fantasy world, which probably explains my earlier singing! *grins*

Random Quote Mondays

2009-06-15T08:32:00.000-07:00

Simplicity today:

If you dance with the devil, the devil don't change. The devil changes you.

So true.

Words of Wisdom...

2009-06-11T10:24:00.000-07:00

*hums as she cracks out the next fortune cookie while trying not to look like she enjoys the frequency of Chinese food in her life.. flutters lashes*

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Oh great, more sappiness... sheesh, just my luck. :P

Random Quote Mondays

2009-06-08T08:33:00.000-07:00

As I'm sure most of us are aware at this point, David Carradine is no longer with us... so today's not so random quote comes from him:

"If you cannot be a poet, be the poem."

Remember, there's just as much honor in being the poem as the poet; strive to surpass mediocrity.

Rest in peace David.

Helpful Healthful Hints...

2009-06-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it, don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body / fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ration is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain, Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're Not Listening!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO, Cocoa Beans! Another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Round is a shape.

Well I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - chardonnay in one hand, chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'woohoo, what a ride!' "

But that's not all folks!

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:

- The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
- The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
- The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
- The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
- The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Conclusion:
Eat and drink what you like, speaking English is apparently what kills you.

You might just be a C--t...

2009-06-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

Right, I decided to have some fun (based on several conversations with assorted female and male friends *grins*)!

- When "bitch" just doesn't begin to cover it ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When you can't help but giggle at someone else's idiocy and suffering ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When the highway patrolmen avoid pulling you over for speeding ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When men only come in handy for: manual labor, fetching things from the highest shelves or squishing icky multi-legged creatures ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When your auto-biography is titled "Penises That Made Me Laugh And The Egos That Destroyed" ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When you can say "I have toys for that." while smirking and really mean it ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When a creditor hangs up on you in tears ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When you can ignore someone until they realize exactly what they did wrong and they slink back with an apology ( jewelry, flowers, the works!) ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When other women advise their friends to ask you for revenge tips ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When you can silently glare at someone for less than a second and get them to do whatever you want them to ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When the men's room gossip wall says "for a good time avoid calling X!!!" ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When a man can say "so what did you think?" and your response is to state without hesitation "when I say I've had better, I'm so NOT exaggerating" ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When the Secretary of Defense considers sending you to hostile countries to "deal with things" ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When PMS and menopause just can't explain your homicidal mood swings ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When a girlfriend asks you to go on a blind date with a guy who hurt her feelings because she knows you'll make him wish he'd never been born ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When you can smile sensually, speak softly, sound sweet and insult someone so terrifically that they're still trying to understand it a week later ... you might just be a Cunt.

... and I might just add more to this in coming weeks depending on how assorted conversations progress. *grins* Hope you got a few chuckles out of it! :D

Words of Wisdom...

2009-06-04T13:11:00.000-07:00

I always dread that I might get, like, a sappy 'fortune' if I'm not careful...

A friend is someone who knows the song of your heart
and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

Awwwwwww, warm fuzzies!!! =^.^=

Random Quote Mondays

2009-06-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

The fact that I'm back in school starting this morning to make use of a slightly less stressful summer term to knock out an evil mathness class somehow makes this just seem tremendously appropriate:

"With napalm. Lots and lots of napalm."

Hugs to anyone who can tell me what it's from, and I'll give you one hint for your non-internet searching permitted type guesses! It's NOT a line from a war movie. *grins*

A sad passing...

2009-05-31T09:46:00.000-07:00

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Note: If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take the time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift. ;)

Ah Irishness...

2009-05-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

Kincora
(James Clarence Mangan)

Ah, where, Kincora! is Brian the Great?
And where is the beauty that once was thine?
Oh, where are the princes and nobles that sate
At the feasts in thy halls, and drank the red wine,
Where, O Kincora?

Oh, where, Kincora! are thy valorous lords?
Oh, whither, thou Hospitable! are they gone?
Oh, where are the Dalcassians of the Golden Swords?
And where are the warriors Brian led on?
Where, O Kincora?

And where is Murrough, the descendant of kings—
The defeater of a hundred—the daringly brave—
Who set but slight store by jewels and rings—
Who swam down the torrent and laughed at its wave?
Where, O Kincora?

And where is Donogh, King Brian’s worthy son?
And where is Conaing, the Beautiful Chief?
And Kian, and Core? Alas! they are gone—
They have left me this night alone with my grief!
Left me, Kincora!

And where are the chiefs with whom Brian went forth,
The ne’er-vanquished son of Evin the Brave,
The great King of Onaght, renowned for his worth,
And the hosts of Baskinn, from the western wave?
Where, O Kincora?

Oh, where is Duvlann of the Swift-footed Steeds?
And where is Kian, who was son of Molloy?
And where is King Lonergan, the fame of whose deeds
In the red battlefield no time can destroy?
Where, O Kincora?

And where is that youth of majestic height,
The faith-keeping Prince of the Scots?—Even he,
As wide as his fame was, as great as was his might,
Was tributary, O Kincora, to thee!
Thee, O Kincora!

They are gone, those heroes of royal birth,
Who plundered no churches, and broke no trust,
’Tis weary for me to be living on earth
When they, O Kincora, lie low in the dust!
Low, O Kincora!

Oh, never again will Princes appear,
To rival the Dalcassians of the Cleaving Swords!
I can never dream of meeting afar or anear,
In the east or the west, such heroes and lords!
Never, O Kincora!

Oh, dear are the images my memory calls up
Of Brian Boru!—how he never would miss
To give me at the banquet the first bright cup!
Ah! why did he heap on me honor like this?
Why, O Kincora?

I am MacLiag, and my home is on the Lake;
Thither often, to that palace whose beauty is fled,
Came Brian to ask me, and I went for his sake.
Oh, my grief! that I should live, and Brian be dead
Dead, O Kincora!

Things I've learned...

2009-05-29T08:45:00.000-07:00

Without ado whatsoever, things I've learned this week!

- Common sense, courtesy and respect... my cats possess more of this than do the non-neutered males in my house.
(Note: This makes me want to test out whether or not there's a correlation there - perhaps if they're neutered their common sense, courtesy and respect will improve?)

- Doing household spring cleaning over the course of two weeks: great in theory, sucks in practice! Cleaning for more than a day is irritating.

- Cats should not eat kitty kibble, it's bad for them in many ways. Way more than I expected when the vet said I had to take it away from Fizzgig - apparently it's not just "bad for him", it's like crack and he's like a seriously jonesin' lil tweaker (he's only tried to kill me about ninety times per day at this point and he's been "off the dry food" for nearly three days now).

- I like having access to a swimming pool. However, I hate having to help clean the damn thing.

- I miss Long Island! People there were way more normal... Even the freaks. Not something I've just learned, but it bears repeating from time to time.

- I also miss Long Island because there are Drakes Cakes there (including 'funny bones', 'devil dogs' and 'coffee cakes' which are just utterly delicious!). It's a regional thing, dumb Aridzona.. *grumbles*

- House of Flying Daggers on a big screen with the surround sound properly (finally!) set up.. totally RAWKS!

- Saying 'rawks' instead of 'rocks' and actually ennunciating that difference makes the person you're talking to blink with confusion. This amuses me! :D

- When my roommate pisses me off so much that I smile and dream of his untimely demise it's usually a good sign that communication needs to take place...

- Writing a letter in order to do so goes over much better than attempting to talk to his drunken Irish ass yet again and possibly 'accidentally' killing him.

- Watching him try to act as if nothing is bothering him after he's read 'the letter' is rather amusing.

- Klutz attacks resulting in minor scrapes and cuts when there's nothing there to scrape or cut oneself upon are the norm for me.

- I'm particularly prone to this while doing spring cleaning.

- When I get a particularly big cut it is always in a place that's awkward for me to try to look at it and tend to it and it will always require 'surgery' within a few days.

- Surgery consists of needing to carefully peel the scab away and clean the damn wound again with another entire bottle of hydrogen peroxide and / or iodine - either way, it's going to sizzle and fizzle and make me hiss so loudly the cats will hide from me for the rest of the day. :(

- When Colin told me I'm the scariest creampuff he's ever met, he was so right in that assessment! :P

- Seeing my poor sick kitty looking and sounding better and playing more makes me hopeful!

- Seeing him sleep on my desk with an arm tossed over his eyes because it's too bright to nap in the study otherwise makes me giggle.

- Knowing that summer classes start in less than three days isn't so bad.

- Knowing that my summer classes consist of another evil mathness class and a graded physical education class is depressing.

- Deciding to budget in a trip Home for Spring Break makes me bounce with excitement!

- Coming to this decision while shopping and seeing several males in the alcohol aisle go from staring at beer and talking to staring silently at jiggling jubblies is amusing.

- Calling a friend a "total hug whore!" stuns them into a sputtering kind of surprise - this is particularly fun to do when they've just barely begun to sip at something and wind up spewing it all over themselves whilst trying to come up with a way to deny their new title to the group of giggling men around them. *grins*

- Reaffirming that I am indeed as evil as everyone thinks I am based upon some of the earlier mentioned learnings makes me giggle in an evil and maniacal kind of way which disturbs the napping kitty on my desk...

... so I think we've learned enough for this week! :D

Words of Wisdom...

2009-05-28T07:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think my fortune cookies are mocking me.

You can be a victor without having victims.

Where the hell's the fun in that?! *scoffs, shakes head, glowers at cookie*

Words of Wisdom...

2009-05-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

From time to time I get this weird feeling that the cookies are lying to me...

The harder you work, the luckier you get.

See what I mean?

Things I've learned...

2009-05-20T19:14:00.000-07:00

So it's been some time since I posted a "things I've learned" blog, and as you can likely imagine that's not because I haven't been learning things but rather because I've been disgustingly, horrifically, stressfully busy for some time (that whole "being a student" thing again after a twelve or so year break, yep).... so without further ado and in NO particular order at all, the return of "things I've learned"!!

~@~

Having three major finals in one day.... SUCKS.

Finishing all your finals in one day and not having to come back to campus for a few weeks, rocks. *smiles dizzily*

Being under enough stress really can make you physically ill - I tested that theory twice at the end of the semester, I suggest all you wonderful people reading this learn from example rather than testing it yourself if you can at all avoid the temptation. ;)

Wearing a shirt that says "How to train your bitch" with assorted images around it of a woman commanding another woman to 'sit', 'stay', 'come', 'roll over', 'heel', etc, to school raises a few eyebrows...

It also makes men stare at your chest and slowly start to grin (or blush) as they think about what that actually means.

I smile every time ground squirrels go dashing past me on campus - especially the itty bitty baby ones, with their tails rigidly up in the air behind them, looking all adorably cute.

Men who repeatedly tell people they don't lie when they've been caught doing so on at Least one major occasion - have a Very interesting definition of "lie".

Dairy Queen soft serve vanilla ice cream towering four or so inches above a teeny little inch and a half cone... is Bliss Embodied on a hundred-some-odd degree day.

Especially when the cute guy behind the counter flirts while making your cone and then spends the rest of the time you're there staring at your mouth with obvious lusty hunger. *flutters lashes innocently*

Slavelets who stutter, get breathless, blush and fidget when you growl or purr at them... are delicious. I already knew this, but it bears repeating. *smiles evilly*

Being told by multiple sources that you have a soft, sexy, husky "fuck me now" voice unexpectedly... is really, really sweet! :D

The new(ish) Dunken Donuts that happens to be directly on the path between home and school.. actually has really decent everything bagels! Who would ever have thought it might be possible to really get decent bagels outside of New York?? =^.^=

Teachers who give writing assignments should also be careful to include page limits - I already knew this, but apparently my instructors didn't. *looks innocent*

When it comes to repairing the household vacuum - I am THE Goddess, thanks evah so much!

I'm perfectly willing to listen to serious death metal all day long if that's what it takes to get my brother to help me "spring clean" the entire house, top to bottom, when the majority of the mess is his.

I even like some of it. *grins*

Which reminds me - still having delicious dreams of David Draiman thanks to that last Disturbed concert - gods but I need to do wicked things to that man. *purrrrrrs* Yes, I already knew this, but it definitely bore repeating.

Not killing your roommates, classmates, teachers or self is somewhat of an accomplishment, particularly the roommate known as total moron and the evil mathness teacher. *beam proudly*

And last, but definitely not least, getting a 3.923 gpa because of a B in a one credit class and A's in everything else... makes me floaty!! I'm assuming this means that getting the 4.0 for my upcoming summer and fall semesters will probably result in spontaneous orgasms. *grins* (Ok so only half of that was something I learned - I still think the rest bore saying. *nodsnods, grins*)

Random Quote Mondays

2009-05-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

A lil more not so random quotyness! :D

Humility is often only a feigned submission of which we make use to render others submissive.
It is an artifice of pride which abases in order to exalt itself.
François de la Rochefoucauld

Gotta love quotes about being honest eh? ;)

Tooth Fairy

2009-05-17T09:29:00.000-07:00

Today's joke brought to you by: my own creative, drugged out mind some years ago when I had my wisdom teeth removed!

Yep it's true, years ago when I was on darvoset or percoset or somethingniceoset after having my wisdom yanked out of my mouth (and doesn't that just explain a LOT?), I lay in a drug induced haze and wrote the following letter which I then sent to my mother (I considered sending it to Dad but I had a feeling he wouldn't be thrilled being called "dearest tooth fairy") via email in hopes of convincing her to spring for a nice lil dinner out with my then spouse - sadly it didn't work, but let's all giggle anyway! Hurrah!

Dearest Tooth Fairy,

It's been quite some time since we've had any business together so first let me remind you of the deep respect I have for you and always have. Yours is a very difficult and often unappreciated job and you do it exceptionally well despite the lack of vacation and benefits. That said, as you're aware I have recently had four teeth removed which I know you're looking forward to retrieving for your vast collection. Being that they are rare teeth - not everyone has a full set of wisdoms after all and only gets one set to boot! - I feel that the traditional $2.50 per tooth is inadequate. As you know giving up these particular teeth so that I might aid in your admirable collecting has presented me with something of a problem, leaving me too tender and sore to eat normal food and unable to sleep for several days. With all of that in mind I possit that I simply cannot accept less than $5.00 per tooth - but rest assured that it will go to a good cause! Purchasing a lovely, healthy, *solid* meal for myself and my spouse at a fine dining establishment once I have regained full use of mouth. If that is acceptable to you simply leave the money in the usual place. I look greatly forward to hearing from you at your earliest possible convience. It's been wonderful doing business with you again.

In admiration,
Jeje

Note: Mom did respond to the email, she called me, laughing her ass off, and told me I'd made her day, we had a great chat, but even that didn't manage to pursuade her to give me 20$, although I discovered that I must've inherited most of my sense of humour (and perhaps, my sadistic side?) from her - the next greeting card I got from her had a quarter in it.

A little Angelou...

2009-05-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

For all the women I cherish and adore, even if they've forgotten that I do.

Phenomenal Woman
(Maya Angelou)

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Words of Wisdom...

2009-05-14T08:18:00.000-07:00

It's so nice when you crack open a cookie and before you read it you see that the fortune isn't some lengthy paragraph!

You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.

... so .. the cookie writers are stalking me?

Random Quote Mondays

2009-05-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think my random quotes on Mondays should be a little less 'random', like today, for example! *Grins*

For as long as space endures and living beings remain,
I too will abide to dispel the misery of the world.
Tenzin Guyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

Mmmmm, Dalai Lama wiseness!!! :D

Smart Blonde!

2009-05-10T08:46:00.000-07:00

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your businees, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we check you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Words of Wisdom...

2009-05-07T12:10:00.000-07:00

Honestly, sometimes I can't help but wonder about the people who write for fortune cookies..

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close
they were to success when they gave up.

Wow.. that was kinda harsh for a damn cookie. *quietly makes a mental note not to get one the fortune cookies bad side*

Writing Weirdness...

2009-05-05T12:58:00.000-07:00

Stream of consciousness activities in class can be dangerous... *chuckles*

Untitled (stream of consciousness)
(Written: Feb 19, 2009)

stream of consciousness
in psych
stuck in my head
the rest of the day
caused lots of giggles later
until the quiet came,
library and lab closed
sweet solitude to study in
but first
finish mathness
evil...
tormenting...
worthless...
mathness
rather have a root canal
but glaring doesn't get it done
slog through
nonsensical numerals
that have no bearing in life
trying not to find
cathartic joy
in
mental images
burning math books
instructors
covered in blood
eventually mathness ends,
yay!
mind turns
towards happier things
flirting,
fellating,
fucking,
yum!
but studying
must wait
fiesty muse tonight
demanding attention
giggling for her fair share
of mind
interrupted
by taps on glass
young classmate from psych
finally out of lab
so late
she's sweet
off limits
sixteen
will get ya twenty
good thing they can't see inside
mind and muse, twisted fucks
pushy muse pulls back
and so the 'poem' ends.

Random Quote Mondays

2009-05-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

And now back to your regularly scheduled 'random quote':

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Oh I'm sure it could be worse, or is that better? Hmm, think I'll have to ponder that for a few decades. *nods cinnamonly*

This is Remo's fault...

2009-05-03T18:48:00.001-07:00

Right, I'm supposed to be working on my philosophy term paper, but my eyes have gone a bit crossed and cocked so I need to take a teeny, tiny, lil break, so here we go:

1. What’s the most exciting thing you have planned for this weekend?
Bearing in mind that Monday is my Sunday: I'm going to finish working on my philosophy term paper, then the three extra credit papers I don't need to do but I find fascinating and I'm an overachiever like that. Then I'm going to work on my last psychology paper (and do an extra credit one there as well because, honestly, it just rocks!). After that I'll start working on the three minute powerpoint presentation I need to do for geology... *smiles* Yes it's true, I'm an over-acheiving academic and boring like that.

2. What is the most exciting adventure you’ve ever been part of?
The most exciting adventure I've ever been part of... umm... well... I was married and I managed to not murder my now ex-husband before it was over. Not sure if that qualifies as "exciting" exactly, but it was definitely an adventure. (Anything attempting to resemble 'normalacy' in my life has to be an adventure.)

3. A friend offers you the chance to go skydiving: you’ll be strapped to a professional skydiver who will actually operate the parachute for the two of you, so all you have to worry about is the experience itself. Would you take your friend up on the offer?
Do I have to be strapped to a professional? And if the answer is yes, can he look like Vin Diesal and can we be nekkid and can I be facing him instead of the ground, just to make things interesting...? *flutters lashes innocently*

4. How long has it been since you tried a completely different cuisine?
I think I ran out of "completely different cuisines" to try many years ago - I tried most anything put in front of me, discovered I like some stuff and loathe others and I've pretty much stuck with what I like ever since.

5. Take the quiz: Is Your Life Boring?

You Live an Exciting Life

You are anything but a bore. You make sure that life is full of excitement.

You have an adventurous spirit, and you don't like to sit still for too long.

If you feel like doing something, you don't think about it. You just do it.

There's no way you could ever live a boring life. There's too much to do and not enough time.

... I think the quiz is lying to everyone, I'm seriously boring. Just ask Becks or Wolfie or csi_tokyo or my sweet, sexy lil slavelet, any one of them will tell ya: I'm too busy to be "exciting". At least, I think they would...

6. What is the biggest fear you feel you have definitely overcome?
Don't think I've "definitely" overcome any of my fears, except that normal 'fear of death' that most people have for at least part of their life. Yep, realizing you might be dead in like a month for reasons you wouldn't even be able to physically see when you're only twenty-six apparently causes that reaction. *nods* So I'm over the whole 'death' thing.

Mom is Santa!

2009-05-03T07:45:00.000-07:00

And now for a little videographic humour! ;)

*giggles insanely*

Frosted Goodness...

2009-05-02T10:13:00.000-07:00

One of my personal favourites. *smiles softly*

The Road Not Taken
(Robert Frost)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Words of Wisdom...

2009-04-30T15:08:00.000-07:00

And now back to your regularly scheduled fortune cookie fun!

Plan for many pleasures ahead.

*blinks a few times, whips out schedule and starts planning for pleasure!* That I can so totally go for, ayep!

Writing Weirdness...

2009-04-28T09:46:00.000-07:00

Bleeeeeeeh.

Untitled (loathing)
(Written: Sept 15, 2008)

New friend a kindred soul
vulnerable moments
trusting, discussing,
of all things poetry...
I loathe my poems
never reach perfection
raw, uncensored, toxic
the words never quite "right"
always lacking something, somehow
bittersweet venomous addiction
but I'm moved to write
let fly my fingers as they will
growling and grumbling afterward
like some proddy mama bear
discontented with too energetic cubs in fall
only hopeful that everything
will settle
and let me rest.

Writing Weirdness...

2009-04-21T11:24:00.000-07:00

*hrms* Right... so ... this is just ... yeah.

Called From The Depths
(Written: Sept 16, 2006)

Call it a poem, a plea, a prayer, a promise...
I don't know.
A Muse I don't like is with me.
I never like it when she's here,
won't settle for anything less than black,
dragging it up from the depths,
deeper than I want to know,
deeper than I want to go,
clawing to the surface until it reaches the tips of my fingers...
and explodes.
Frenzy of typing,
one hundred words per minute,
of what?
Of what?!
There's a point in it,
somewhere,
I know there is,
there has to be,
but she never gives a hint,
never a single clue...
Bitch!!!
So I close my eyes and type,
type until she says to stop,
typing, typing, typing,
and the energy I'm releasing keeps even the cats away.
Why does she visit me, always,
a few days after a really good purging,
why can't she ever just leave me alone?
What's the point?
Tormenting, demanding bitch!
But I can't resist,
I don't have the energy and I'm not hungry.
Eyes still closed,
typing, typing, typing,
always typing,
fucking cunt, let me just curl up!
Alone, under cold covers of comfort with a mountain of pillows...
I didn't sleep well.
Words a maelstrom in my mind,
all night, tossing and turning...
so here I am now,
typing, typing, typing,
waiting for her to be satisfied,
pushy demon Whore!
I don't want to be here, I really don't...
I don't even know why,
right now, sometimes, usually, anytime...
I don't have any energy to fight right now
I don't..
I don't know...
I don't know...
I don't know.
Damn it all I don't know!
I Don't KNOW!

... that pretty much sums it up.

Writing Weirdness...

2009-04-14T16:14:00.000-07:00

Insert pithy comment here. *winks*

Moon (tentative working title)
(Written: June 24, 2005)

Dark this morning,
cloudy sky,
it's barely a quarter to six,
cool,
quiet,
not much traffic today...
In the sky - the only clear space - is the moon,
still full and bright and beautiful...
I can't help smiling as She looks down on me,
gaze gentle, motherly tender, missing me...
I miss the moon,
the stars,
the night,
this daytime life doesn't really suit me,
too bright,
too warm,
too noisy,
too frantic,
too full,
... but ...
there's people in the day,
... but ...
was never fond of big groups really,
... but ...
I'm too solitary,
too silent,
too willing to be alone...
without the day I could nearly forget my voice...

... but ...

I miss the night.

Writing Weirdness...

2009-04-07T14:36:00.000-07:00

My brain functions in strange ways...

Untitled (therapy)
(Written: June 3, 2005)

Lactic acid buildup...
I should be sweating but I'm not,
I shouldn't be numb but I am,
numb to the physical, the emotional,
numb to the heart, to life.
Breathe in, out, in, out, breathe...
Pulse at one twenty, I'm impressed,
only took an hour to get here,
one, two, one, two, left, right, left, right, keep going...
Fragments of thought blowing away...
Where did this breeze come from?
I shouldn't be here but I am, I'm not,
I am, I'm not, this isn't poetry
it's therapy for the suicidal soul,
shattered, don't think, don't feel, don't exist,
just write, just breathe, just pulse,
left, right, one, two, in, out...

Assorted Stuffs

2009-04-07T07:11:00.001-07:00

So as you may have guessed I've been at least moderately busy lately, what with the plethora of posts that I've been putting up to amuse all and sundry... *glances at posting history, frowns* Well now something's just not right there - I've been thinking violently at my blog every day, it was supposed to be sharing my thoughts and things with you! *sighs* Ok, so I guess that means my telepathy and telekinesis are on the pram... figures. *mutters*

With that in mind - here's a bunch of stuff you've missed out on because the web and my evil brain are not on the same wavelengths:

The past two Mondays' "Random Quote Monday"!

A dress makes no sense, unless it inspires men to want to take it off you.
Francoise Sagan

When men are oppressed, it's tragedy. When women are oppressed, it's tradition.
Bernadette Mosala

And, to tickle your pickles, the past two Thursdays' "Words of Wisdom" goodness!

It is better to deal with problems before they arise.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

And there you have it folks, you heard it hear first - the best way to deal with problems is to preemptively go lay down! ;)

Chuck...

2009-04-05T07:19:00.000-07:00

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but i have some bad news, the donkey died. Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?

Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Chuck said, 'Sure I can Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.' Chuck now works for the government.

Writing Weirdness...

2009-03-31T11:26:00.000-07:00

And now back to some more of those "word poems", cuz I'm feeling all evil and stuff. ;)

"Watch"

Wondering
At
The
Consciousness of
Humanity.

"Sexual"

Sometimes
Every
Xylophone
Undergoes
A
Little rearranging.

"Writer"

Words
Really
Interest
Their
Every
Realm.

"Mourns"

May
Our
Uneasy
Response
Not
Sadden others.

"Moon"

Many
Often
Overlook
Necessity.

Things I've learned...

2009-03-29T10:49:00.000-07:00

So I've been naughty lately, not posting as much as I should. I know this because some people have poked at me and asked me ever so sweetly to post more.

I've been busy! Honest, I have that whole 'school' thing taking up lots of my attention. You know, classes, studying, homework, all that fun jazz.

And there's stresses too! Stresses about finances and family and grades and trying to keep a house clean where the only person who ever does anything about it is Me...

So I've learned a lot the past few weeks, and haven't shared a whole bunch of it (cuz sometimes I'm just mean and selfish like that doncha know?), but I figured: enough of you have poked at me in various places *grins* that I should probably share some (maybe even some of the stuff that I didn't share in my last 'things I've learned' post *grins*), and what better time to do it than after a Concert.

Oooooooh yeah!

1. Sometimes birthdays aren't totally sucky occasions. How sweet is that?

2. Asshole younger brothers, while managing to remain totally assholey, can sometimes surprise you and do really thoughtful nice things. Usually around birthdays. I'm certain there's some sort of totally ironic, weird coincidence in this somehow.

3. Spring Break is actually a really, really evil thing.

4. Accomplishing anything during spring break is practically impossible.

5. Especially studying.

6. Unless anatomy counts, even when you aren't taking any anatomy classes.

7. You get less sleep during spring break than you do during normal school weeks and, when it's over, you need a week to recover. This is as true for certain teachers as it is for most students.

8. Evil mathness midterms the day you return from spring break... very not cool. That goes way beyond "evil" by the way, that's just twisted and sick in a "wrong" kind of way.

9. For some reason some of my classmates think there's something wrong with me (which may be marginally true, but not for the reasons they think)...

10. ... only getting a B on a psych test and being disappointed / upset by it is not weird dammit.

11. Similarly getting an A on an evil mathness test and being disappointed because it was a 96 out of 104 is also not weird dammit.

12. Apparently I'm an overachiever. Being back in school has kinda reminded me of this reeeeeally well.

13. I also multi-task rather well and this both awes and impresses the guy who sits behind me in my philosophy class, who apparently stares at me in total amazement when I have the laptop with me - as I sit there working on my term paper, still participating in the discussion and occasionally taking notes.

14. Slamming the truck door closed on your foot - not so fantabulous!

15. Blow up sharks are, apparently, all the rage at concerts.

16. And tortilla's make great frisbees. Who knew?

17. I'm not sure I want to know how either managed to get through security...

18. Arizona has the most amazingly pathetic mosh pits I've ever seen - seriously, drunken jocks doing ring around the posey are Not what I picture when I think of a decent pit. It's really very sad, there's not even any decent shoving taking place... *I* could jump into the mosh pits here and come out unscathed, that's just not right!

19. There's nothing more refreshing than sitting in an icey cold beer!

20. Really, -nothing-.

21. It is possible to orgasm just from the sensation of really fucking awesome music at a nice loud concert.

22. It's also possible to orgasm from that music when Daivd Draiman is revealed to be suspended on a combo-religious symbol with his arms restrained...

23. I really need to stalk David Draiman and do unspeakably naughty things with/to him.

24. Mathness homework sucks. Even after getting into an argument with an evil nazi mathness instructor. This is a well established fact, I know, but it bears repeating frequently. *sighs and goes off to continue mathness homework*

Item Genders

2009-03-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

If you are like most people, common everyday items look inert to you but what you may not know is that many of them have a gender. For example:

1. Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2. Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up. It is an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3. Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over inflated.

4. Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain water.

5. Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it . . and, of course, there's the hot air part.

6. Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7. Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8. Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9. Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10. Remote Control -- Female .. . . Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

Writing Weirdness...

2009-03-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

Another non-"word poem"!! ;)

Untitled (bus stop poem)
(Written: June 1, 2005)

Walking through clover, sun warming my back,
dark clouds over the northern mountains,
thoughtful, contented expression ... nearly content...
Hydraulic doors exhale, closing behind me,
avoid the stiff, stony unyielding cement,
spring green calling to my steps.
Clean grass scent obscured by exhaust fumes
I breathe shallow through the nose, filtering,
always filtering - air, heart, thought, life...
Time - evil, impartial, dispassionate time,
too little time, too much time.. to think
as I walk towards metal monstrosity
trees shaped of cold iron,
unbreathing, unreal, unappealing -
who created this bus stop 'art'
that mimics nature,
offends the soul?
Mind wandered, slipped
reflective as office building glass,
glaring beneath desert sun, smile gone...
Awareness verging on depressed
discontent as I wait, impatient...
Clouds part, sun shining through - a natural accusation -
a bee hovers near my arm,
I, the only flower on this 'tree' bench,
poor confused little bug
I smell sweet, I'm not food...
he flies off, my lips quirk, almost smile,
nature understands my heart
... and the bus arrives.

Random Quote Mondays

2009-03-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

And now for another "Random Quote":

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

mmmmmmm... quoty goodness! :D

Why Women Lie

2009-03-22T11:39:00.000-07:00

One day, while a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water, and she needed the thimble to make her living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river. When she cried out, The Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three! Lord, I am a poor woman and am not able to take care of three husbands, so THAT'S why I said yes to Mel Gibson."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, or for the benefit of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it!

Masks

2009-03-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

Masks
(Anonymous)

Don't be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a thousand masks,
And none of them are me.
Don't be fooled, for God's sake, don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure, that confidence is my name
And coolness my game,
And that I need no one. But don't believe me.

Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in aloneness, in fear.
That's why I create a mask to hide behind, to shield me from the glance
That knows, but such a glance is precisely my salvation.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance, if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from my own self-built prison walls.
I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing and that I'm just no good,
And that you will see this and reject me.

And so begins the parade of masks. I idly chatter to you.
I tell you everything that's really nothing, and
Nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm _not_ saying.
I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and ME.
But you've got to help me. You've got to hold out your hand.

Each time you're kind and gentle, and encouraging,
Each time you try to understand because you really care,
My heart beings to grow wings, very feeble wings, but wings.

With your sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding,
You alone can release me from my shallow world of uncertainty.
It will not be easy for you. The nearer you approach me,
The blinder I may strike back.
But I'm told that love is stronger than strong walls,
And in this lies my hope, my only hope.

Please try to beat down these walls with firm hands,
But gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder,
I am every man you meet, and also every woman that you meet,
And I am YOU.

Words of Wisdom...

2009-03-19T07:05:00.000-07:00

So I realized I missed one! Like two weeks ago. So today you get Two, cuz I'm just generous like that *grins*:

Failure is the path of lease persistence. (<= I'm pretty sure they meant least! *hehe*)

Fearless courage is the foundation of victory.

... strange combination of fortunes, but they were the first two I found when I reached way down, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep deep down into my pocketbook. The big one. The one my brother stuffs things into whenever I carry it and I'm not paying enough attention to what he's doing and then later I wonder why the damn thing went from weighing four pounds to seventeen...

Things I've learned...

2009-03-17T14:54:00.000-07:00

First of all - Happy St. Patty's Day to all ye Irish descendants! And a bonnier day I couldn't hope for! :)

Have you ever had one of those mornings where, after a long hot shower, you feel so amazingly clean that it's just downright abnormal somehow and you have a severe impulse to dash outside and roll around on some nice fresh cut grass or something in order to not feel so "weird" anymore? ... yeah, it's one of those mornings.

So even though I usually do "things I've learned..." on Fridays - cuz I'm a rebel like that ye see - I'm going to do it today instead. Cuz I'm nice sometimes. And I'm bored. And I haven't done it in like three weeks or something.. so here ya go, enjoy! :P

1. Waking up and spending two hours masturbating really, really makes you hungry for the rest of the day.

2. Especially if you eventually cum from it. *nods wisely*

3. Popcorn and hot chocolate go well together and make a wonderfully nutritious meal!

4. Butterflies should not try to fly across freeways unless they're suicidal.

5. Suicidal butterflies have this really, really strange tendency to get sucked in through that like inch that I have the window of the truck open, thereby committing suicide by smacking into my head...

6. ... this actually hurts more than most people would think, and it does not make me happy.

7. Trusting people who are "advisers" at community colleges... not so good an idea!

8. If it turns out that taking geology was worthless as far as fulfilling any of my requirements and transferring credit-wise goes.. I'm gonna be homicidally unhappy.

9. Having a guaranteed A in philosophy makes me happy.

10. Having an A in the evil mathness also makes me happy, but only because it means that all my damned studying and growling is paying off. Slowly but surely.

11. Discovering that I have to take more math than I wanted to in order to avoid taking more language than I want to ... sucks severely huge, dirty, sweaty, nasty, hairy donkey balls.

12. Schoolgirl skirts are evil and cause trouble. One should only wear them if they are a schoolgirl or they like trouble.

13. Trouble comes in all shapes, sizes, colours and flavours. Not something I didn't already know, but it certainly bears repeating.

14. Some cocks ... are just so disturbingly, deliciously suckable ... that ya can actually miss them. Just the cocks, not necessarily the males attached to them.

15. Watching yummy bdsm porn tends to enhance all sorts of naughty desires. *nods sagely*

16. Spring break rocks.

17. Except the part where I need to study for the math midterm that happens the day I get back to school. *mutters*

18. And the part where I have to clean one hundred fifty-seven million, nine hundred eighty-four thousand, three hundred twenty-six dishes.

19. If not for stupid laws about things like killing other people being all rude and stuff.. my roommate would be about eighty-seven feet under at this point. He frustrates me.

20. Being horny, irritated and hungry all at once... creates an interesting internal conflict that leads to thoughts such as "yanno, if you were a zombie stripper... you could kill him, fuck him and eat him all at once and it'd be totally cool with everyone around ya!"

21. I really do have a frozen octopus tentacle with which to poke da Nyxie in da breasts if she doesn't find #20 totally giggle worthy... not so much something I've "learned" as something I'm promising to do and later post about. *grins*

And I think that's enough for now! :P