Monday, June 29, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

Talk about random:

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99: If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked… You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.


Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.


Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.


Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

... yes, trust him on the sunscreen - particularly if you live in some godforsaken DESERT like I do! *grins-n-winks*

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

There is wisdom to be found within the golden cookies...

In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

Right... so.... I believe that a wealthy prince is going to knock on my door and declare his undying love and insist we get married immediately so that he can lavish enormous jewels upon me. *taps toe waiting* .. well c'mon, start aknockin!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

Just too good to pass up:

Ooohh! Why does everything I whip leave me?

*giggles* Not a pout I'm familiar with myself, but it's still cute. *hehe*

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

*sings to herself about fortune cookie writers and the lives they probably lead*

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

... only in a fantasy world, which probably explains my earlier singing! *grins*

Monday, June 15, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

Simplicity today:

If you dance with the devil, the devil don't change. The devil changes you.

So true.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

*hums as she cracks out the next fortune cookie while trying not to look like she enjoys the frequency of Chinese food in her life.. flutters lashes*

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Oh great, more sappiness... sheesh, just my luck. :P

Monday, June 8, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

As I'm sure most of us are aware at this point, David Carradine is no longer with us... so today's not so random quote comes from him:

"If you cannot be a poet, be the poem."

Remember, there's just as much honor in being the poem as the poet; strive to surpass mediocrity.

Rest in peace David.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Helpful Healthful Hints...

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it, don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body / fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ration is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain, Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're Not Listening!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO, Cocoa Beans! Another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Round is a shape.

Well I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - chardonnay in one hand, chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'woohoo, what a ride!' "

But that's not all folks!

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:

- The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
- The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
- The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
- The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
- The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Eat and drink what you like, speaking English is apparently what kills you.

You might just be a C--t...

Right, I decided to have some fun (based on several conversations with assorted female and male friends *grins*)!

- When "bitch" just doesn't begin to cover it ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When you can't help but giggle at someone else's idiocy and suffering ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When the highway patrolmen avoid pulling you over for speeding ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When men only come in handy for: manual labor, fetching things from the highest shelves or squishing icky multi-legged creatures ... you might just be a Cunt.

- When your auto-biography is titled "Penises That Made Me Laugh And The Egos That Destroyed" ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When you can say "
I have toys for that." while smirking and really mean it ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When a creditor hangs up on you in tears ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When you can ignore someone until they realize exactly what they did wrong and they slink back with an apology ( jewelry, flowers, the works!) ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When other women advise their friends to ask you for revenge tips ... you might just be a Cunt.

- When you can silently glare at someone for less than a second and get them to do whatever you want them to ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When the men's room gossip wall says "for a good time avoid calling X!!!" ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When a man can say "so what did you think?" and your response is to state without hesitation "when I say I've had better, I'm so NOT exaggerating" ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When the Secretary of Defense considers sending you to hostile countries to "deal with things" ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When PMS and menopause just can't explain your homicidal mood swings ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When a girlfriend asks you to go on a blind date with a guy who hurt her feelings because she knows you'll make him wish he'd never been born ... you might just be a Cunt.
- When you can smile sensually, speak softly, sound sweet and insult someone so terrifically that they're still trying to understand it a week later ... you might just be a Cunt.

... and I might just add more to this in coming weeks depending on how assorted conversations progress. *grins* Hope you got a few chuckles out of it! :D

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

I always dread that I might get, like, a sappy 'fortune' if I'm not careful...

A friend is someone who knows the song of your heart
and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

Awwwwwww, warm fuzzies!!! =^.^=

Monday, June 1, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

The fact that I'm back in school starting this morning to make use of a slightly less stressful summer term to knock out an evil mathness class somehow makes this just seem tremendously appropriate:

"With napalm. Lots and lots of napalm."

Hugs to anyone who can tell me what it's from, and I'll give you one hint for your non-internet searching permitted type guesses! It's NOT a line from a war movie. *grins*