Sunday, May 31, 2009

A sad passing...

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Note: If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take the time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift. ;)

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Ah Irishness...

(James Clarence Mangan)

Ah, where, Kincora! is Brian the Great?
And where is the beauty that once was thine?
Oh, where are the princes and nobles that sate
At the feasts in thy halls, and drank the red wine,
Where, O Kincora?

Oh, where, Kincora! are thy valorous lords?
Oh, whither, thou Hospitable! are they gone?
Oh, where are the Dalcassians of the Golden Swords?
And where are the warriors Brian led on?
Where, O Kincora?

And where is Murrough, the descendant of kings—
The defeater of a hundred—the daringly brave—
Who set but slight store by jewels and rings—
Who swam down the torrent and laughed at its wave?
Where, O Kincora?

And where is Donogh, King Brian’s worthy son?
And where is Conaing, the Beautiful Chief?
And Kian, and Core? Alas! they are gone—
They have left me this night alone with my grief!
Left me, Kincora!

And where are the chiefs with whom Brian went forth,
The ne’er-vanquished son of Evin the Brave,
The great King of Onaght, renowned for his worth,
And the hosts of Baskinn, from the western wave?
Where, O Kincora?

Oh, where is Duvlann of the Swift-footed Steeds?
And where is Kian, who was son of Molloy?
And where is King Lonergan, the fame of whose deeds
In the red battlefield no time can destroy?
Where, O Kincora?

And where is that youth of majestic height,
The faith-keeping Prince of the Scots?—Even he,
As wide as his fame was, as great as was his might,
Was tributary, O Kincora, to thee!
Thee, O Kincora!

They are gone, those heroes of royal birth,
Who plundered no churches, and broke no trust,
’Tis weary for me to be living on earth
When they, O Kincora, lie low in the dust!
Low, O Kincora!

Oh, never again will Princes appear,
To rival the Dalcassians of the Cleaving Swords!
I can never dream of meeting afar or anear,
In the east or the west, such heroes and lords!
Never, O Kincora!

Oh, dear are the images my memory calls up
Of Brian Boru!—how he never would miss
To give me at the banquet the first bright cup!
Ah! why did he heap on me honor like this?
Why, O Kincora?

I am MacLiag, and my home is on the Lake;
Thither often, to that palace whose beauty is fled,
Came Brian to ask me, and I went for his sake.
Oh, my grief! that I should live, and Brian be dead
Dead, O Kincora!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Things I've learned...

Without ado whatsoever, things I've learned this week!

- Common sense, courtesy and respect... my cats possess more of this than do the non-neutered males in my house.
This makes me want to test out whether or not there's a correlation there - perhaps if they're neutered their common sense, courtesy and respect will improve?)

- Doing household spring cleaning over the course of two weeks: great in theory, sucks in practice! Cleaning for more than a day is irritating.

- Cats should not eat kitty kibble, it's bad for them in many ways. Way more than I expected when the vet said I had to take it away from Fizzgig - apparently it's not just "bad for him", it's like crack and he's like a seriously jonesin' lil tweaker (he's only tried to kill me about ninety times per day at this point and he's been "off the dry food" for nearly three days now).

- I like having access to a swimming pool. However, I hate having to help clean the damn thing.

- I miss Long Island! People there were way more normal... Even the freaks. Not something I've just learned, but it bears repeating from time to time.

- I also miss Long Island because there are Drakes Cakes there (including 'funny bones', 'devil dogs' and 'coffee cakes' which are just utterly delicious!). It's a regional thing, dumb Aridzona.. *grumbles*

- House of Flying Daggers on a big screen with the surround sound properly (finally!) set up.. totally RAWKS!

- Saying 'rawks' instead of 'rocks' and actually ennunciating that difference makes the person you're talking to blink with confusion. This amuses me! :D

- When my roommate pisses me off so much that I smile and dream of his untimely demise it's usually a good sign that communication needs to take place...

- Writing a letter in order to do so goes over much better than attempting to talk to his drunken Irish ass yet again and possibly 'accidentally' killing him.

- Watching him try to act as if nothing is bothering him after he's read 'the letter' is rather amusing.

- Klutz attacks resulting in minor scrapes and cuts when there's nothing there to scrape or cut oneself upon are the norm for me.

- I'm particularly prone to this while doing spring cleaning.

- When I get a particularly big cut it is always in a place that's awkward for me to try to look at it and tend to it and it will always require 'surgery' within a few days.

- Surgery consists of needing to carefully peel the scab away and clean the damn wound again with another entire bottle of hydrogen peroxide and / or iodine - either way, it's going to sizzle and fizzle and make me hiss so loudly the cats will hide from me for the rest of the day. :(

- When Colin told me I'm the scariest creampuff he's ever met, he was so right in that assessment! :P

- Seeing my poor sick kitty looking and sounding better and playing more makes me hopeful!

- Seeing him sleep on my desk with an arm tossed over his eyes because it's too bright to nap in the study otherwise makes me giggle.

- Knowing that summer classes start in less than three days isn't so bad.

- Knowing that my summer classes consist of another evil mathness class and a graded physical education class is depressing.

- Deciding to budget in a trip Home for Spring Break makes me bounce with excitement!

- Coming to this decision while shopping and seeing several males in the alcohol aisle go from staring at beer and talking to staring silently at jiggling jubblies is amusing.

- Calling a friend a "total hug whore!" stuns them into a sputtering kind of surprise - this is particularly fun to do when they've just barely begun to sip at something and wind up spewing it all over themselves whilst trying to come up with a way to deny their new title to the group of giggling men around them. *grins*

- Reaffirming that I am indeed as evil as everyone thinks I am based upon some of the earlier mentioned learnings makes me giggle in an evil and maniacal kind of way which disturbs the napping kitty on my desk...

... so I think we've learned enough for this week! :D

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

Sometimes I think my fortune cookies are mocking me.

You can be a victor without having victims.

Where the hell's the fun in that?! *scoffs, shakes head, glowers at cookie*

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

From time to time I get this weird feeling that the cookies are lying to me...

The harder you work, the luckier you get.

See what I mean?

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Things I've learned...

So it's been some time since I posted a "things I've learned" blog, and as you can likely imagine that's not because I haven't been learning things but rather because I've been disgustingly, horrifically, stressfully busy for some time (that whole "being a student" thing again after a twelve or so year break, yep).... so without further ado and in NO particular order at all, the return of "things I've learned"!!


Having three major finals in one day.... SUCKS.

Finishing all your finals in one day and not having to come back to campus for a few weeks, rocks. *smiles dizzily*

Being under enough stress really can make you physically ill - I tested that theory twice at the end of the semester, I suggest all you wonderful people reading this learn from example rather than testing it yourself if you can at all avoid the temptation. ;)

Wearing a shirt that says "How to train your bitch" with assorted images around it of a woman commanding another woman to 'sit', 'stay', 'come', 'roll over', 'heel', etc, to school raises a few eyebrows...

It also makes men stare at your chest and slowly start to grin (or blush) as they think about what that actually means.

I smile every time ground squirrels go dashing past me on campus - especially the itty bitty baby ones, with their tails rigidly up in the air behind them, looking all adorably cute.

Men who repeatedly tell people they don't lie when they've been caught doing so on at Least one major occasion - have a Very interesting definition of "lie".

Dairy Queen soft serve vanilla ice cream towering four or so inches above a teeny little inch and a half cone... is Bliss Embodied on a hundred-some-odd degree day.

Especially when the cute guy behind the counter flirts while making your cone and then spends the rest of the time you're there staring at your mouth with obvious lusty hunger. *flutters lashes innocently*

Slavelets who stutter, get breathless, blush and fidget when you growl or purr at them... are delicious. I already knew this, but it bears repeating. *smiles evilly*

Being told by multiple sources that you have a soft, sexy, husky "fuck me now" voice unexpectedly... is really, really sweet! :D

The new(ish) Dunken Donuts that happens to be directly on the path between home and school.. actually has really decent everything bagels! Who would ever have thought it might be possible to really get decent bagels outside of New York?? =^.^=

Teachers who give writing assignments should also be careful to include page limits - I already knew this, but apparently my instructors didn't. *looks innocent*

When it comes to repairing the household vacuum - I am THE Goddess, thanks evah so much!

I'm perfectly willing to listen to serious death metal all day long if that's what it takes to get my brother to help me "spring clean" the entire house, top to bottom, when the majority of the mess is his.

I even like some of it. *grins*

Which reminds me - still having delicious dreams of David Draiman thanks to that last Disturbed concert - gods but I need to do wicked things to that man. *purrrrrrs* Yes, I already knew this, but it definitely bore repeating.

Not killing your roommates, classmates, teachers or self is somewhat of an accomplishment, particularly the roommate known as total moron and the evil mathness teacher. *beam proudly*

And last, but definitely not least, getting a 3.923 gpa because of a B in a one credit class and A's in everything else... makes me floaty!! I'm assuming this means that getting the 4.0 for my upcoming summer and fall semesters will probably result in spontaneous orgasms. *grins* (Ok so only half of that was something I learned - I still think the rest bore saying. *nodsnods, grins*)

Monday, May 18, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

A lil more not so random quotyness! :D

Humility is often only a feigned submission of which we make use to render others submissive.
It is an artifice of pride which abases in order to exalt itself.
Fran├žois de la Rochefoucauld

Gotta love quotes about being honest eh? ;)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Tooth Fairy

Today's joke brought to you by: my own creative, drugged out mind some years ago when I had my wisdom teeth removed!

Yep it's true, years ago when I was on darvoset or percoset or somethingniceoset after having my wisdom yanked out of my mouth (and doesn't that just explain a LOT?), I lay in a drug induced haze and wrote the following letter which I then sent to my mother (I considered sending it to Dad but I had a feeling he wouldn't be thrilled being called "dearest tooth fairy") via email in hopes of convincing her to spring for a nice lil dinner out with my then spouse - sadly it didn't work, but let's all giggle anyway! Hurrah!

Dearest Tooth Fairy,

It's been quite some time since we've had any business together so first let me remind you of the deep respect I have for you and always have. Yours is a very difficult and often unappreciated job and you do it exceptionally well despite the lack of vacation and benefits. That said, as you're aware I have recently had four teeth removed which I know you're looking forward to retrieving for your vast collection. Being that they are rare teeth - not everyone has a full set of wisdoms after all and only gets one set to boot! - I feel that the traditional $2.50 per tooth is inadequate. As you know giving up these particular teeth so that I might aid in your admirable collecting has presented me with something of a problem, leaving me too tender and sore to eat normal food and unable to sleep for several days. With all of that in mind I possit that I simply cannot accept less than $5.00 per tooth - but rest assured that it will go to a good cause! Purchasing a lovely, healthy, *solid* meal for myself and my spouse at a fine dining establishment once I have regained full use of mouth. If that is acceptable to you simply leave the money in the usual place. I look greatly forward to hearing from you at your earliest possible convience. It's been wonderful doing business with you again.

In admiration,

Note: Mom did respond to the email, she called me, laughing her ass off, and told me I'd made her day, we had a great chat, but even that didn't manage to pursuade her to give me 20$, although I discovered that I must've inherited most of my sense of humour (and perhaps, my sadistic side?) from her - the next greeting card I got from her had a quarter in it.

Friday, May 15, 2009

A little Angelou...

For all the women I cherish and adore, even if they've forgotten that I do.

Phenomenal Woman

(Maya Angelou)

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

It's so nice when you crack open a cookie and before you read it you see that the fortune isn't some lengthy paragraph!

You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.

... so .. the cookie writers are stalking me?

Monday, May 11, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

Sometimes I think my random quotes on Mondays should be a little less 'random', like today, for example! *Grins*

For as long as space endures and living beings remain,
I too will abide to dispel the misery of the world.
Tenzin Guyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

Mmmmm, Dalai Lama wiseness!!! :D

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Smart Blonde!

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your businees, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we check you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

Honestly, sometimes I can't help but wonder about the people who write for fortune cookies..

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close
they were to success when they gave up.

Wow.. that was kinda harsh for a damn cookie. *quietly makes a mental note not to get one the fortune cookies bad side*

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Writing Weirdness...

Stream of consciousness activities in class can be dangerous... *chuckles*

Untitled (stream of consciousness)
(Written: Feb 19, 2009)

stream of consciousness
in psych
stuck in my head
the rest of the day
caused lots of giggles later
until the quiet came,
library and lab closed
sweet solitude to study in
but first
finish mathness
rather have a root canal
but glaring doesn't get it done
slog through
nonsensical numerals
that have no bearing in life
trying not to find
cathartic joy
mental images
burning math books
covered in blood
eventually mathness ends,
mind turns
towards happier things
but studying
must wait
fiesty muse tonight
demanding attention
giggling for her fair share
of mind
by taps on glass
young classmate from psych
finally out of lab
so late
she's sweet
off limits
will get ya twenty
good thing they can't see inside
mind and muse, twisted fucks
pushy muse pulls back
and so the 'poem' ends.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

And now back to your regularly scheduled 'random quote':

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Oh I'm sure it could be worse, or is that better? Hmm, think I'll have to ponder that for a few decades. *nods cinnamonly*

Sunday, May 3, 2009

This is Remo's fault...

Right, I'm supposed to be working on my philosophy term paper, but my eyes have gone a bit crossed and cocked so I need to take a teeny, tiny, lil break, so here we go:

1. What’s the most exciting thing you have planned for this weekend?
Bearing in mind that Monday is my Sunday: I'm going to finish working on my philosophy term paper, then the three extra credit papers I don't need to do but I find fascinating and I'm an overachiever like that. Then I'm going to work on my last psychology paper (and do an extra credit one there as well because, honestly, it just rocks!). After that I'll start working on the three minute powerpoint presentation I need to do for geology... *smiles* Yes it's true, I'm an over-acheiving academic and boring like that.

2. What is the most exciting adventure you’ve ever been part of?
The most exciting adventure I've ever been part of... umm... well... I was married and I managed to not murder my now ex-husband before it was over. Not sure if that qualifies as "exciting" exactly, but it was definitely an adventure. (Anything attempting to resemble 'normalacy' in my life has to be an adventure.)

3. A friend offers you the chance to go skydiving: you’ll be strapped to a professional skydiver who will actually operate the parachute for the two of you, so all you have to worry about is the experience itself. Would you take your friend up on the offer?
Do I have to be strapped to a professional? And if the answer is yes, can he look like Vin Diesal and can we be nekkid and can I be facing him instead of the ground, just to make things interesting...? *flutters lashes innocently*

4. How long has it been since you tried a completely different cuisine?
I think I ran out of "completely different cuisines" to try many years ago - I tried most anything put in front of me, discovered I like some stuff and loathe others and I've pretty much stuck with what I like ever since.

5. Take the quiz: Is Your Life Boring?

You Live an Exciting Life

You are anything but a bore. You make sure that life is full of excitement.

You have an adventurous spirit, and you don't like to sit still for too long.

If you feel like doing something, you don't think about it. You just do it.

There's no way you could ever live a boring life. There's too much to do and not enough time.

... I think the quiz is lying to everyone, I'm seriously boring. Just ask Becks or Wolfie or csi_tokyo or my sweet, sexy lil slavelet, any one of them will tell ya: I'm too busy to be "exciting". At least, I think they would...

6. What is the biggest fear you feel you have definitely overcome?
Don't think I've "definitely" overcome any of my fears, except that normal 'fear of death' that most people have for at least part of their life. Yep, realizing you might be dead in like a month for reasons you wouldn't even be able to physically see when you're only twenty-six apparently causes that reaction. *nods* So I'm over the whole 'death' thing.

Mom is Santa!

And now for a little videographic humour! ;)

*giggles insanely*

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Frosted Goodness...

One of my personal favourites. *smiles softly*

The Road Not Taken

(Robert Frost)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.