Monday, November 30, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

Yanno, cartoons rock, honestly. They can be so revealing of our society and governmental processes and stuff...

Commander, do something violent!

Yes!!!! Finally, the truth about how 'acts of aggression' really work comes to light!!! *giggles*

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

I could really use some good news, like a cookie that says 'play these lucky numbers, guaranteed to win!' or something:

The only thing we know for sure about future developments is that they will develop.

*rolls eyes* Well that's not exactly very helpful. *grumbles* Not playing the lucky numbers from this cookie, I can tell ya that. *harumphs* :P

Monday, November 23, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

And now for something a little foreign:

Kheperu (my dramatic fluffy fatkitten):
MOW!!! Moooooooowohowowoooooh. MewowooooohmowMEEEWoooooohmow?! Meeeeeeeew?

Translation (for Humans who *ahem* have not had the common sense to take a course in Housecat):
FEED ME!!! I am in my designated feeding area and yet food has not appeared. Don't you know I'm DYING this very second from your slow, inept feeding procedures?! Moooom?

What? I never said the quotes would make sense or have meaning. *scoffs, rolls eyes, chuckles*

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Not so tasty treats...

Here's an "interesting" story about campus life and the importance of education.

In a biology class, the instructor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A female freshman raised her hand and asked "if I understand, you're saying there's a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?"

"That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add statistical information.

Raising her hand again the girl asked, "then why doesn't it taste sweet?"

After a stunned silence the whole class burst into laughter. The poor girls face turned bright red as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather, implied). She picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class, never to return. However, as she was going out the door, the instructors reply was classic. Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "it doesn't taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue, not at the back of your throat."

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

My brother and I have been working out more and stuff, ostensibly to be healthier, but I think it's more because he wants to look sexy in a suit again or something and he's just viciously dragging me along for the ride (it's boring to exercise alone or something).

A man who trims himself to suit everybody will soon whittle himself away.

*blinks* !! I should maybe tell him the cookies say he should worry more about himself than what others think?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

Who you gonna call?:

Just call Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig, paranormalists at large. Spooks spooked, goblins gobbled, UFOs K.O.ed, aliens alienated, vampires evaporated, and monsters remonstrated.

Seriously, cuz the Ghostbusters never offered to remonstrate any monsters, evaporate any vampires or alienate any aliens. *nods solemnly*

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Physics Test From Hell

Note: The Physics Test From Hell joke has been circulating for over a decade. In that time it has been tweaked, adjusted and even changed completely several times. To the best of my knowledge (based largely in part on the fact that this is the joke as I received it in 1997) this is the "original" version. No, I do not know if it really is a "true story". Enjoy it anyway. :P

True story: A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof." Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.
#1 So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
#2 Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will drop until hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Therese Banyan during Freshman year that "it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and hell is exothermic.

The student got the only "A".

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

At times I get a little worried about what might come out of the cookie...:

Joy is the feeling of grinning on the inside.

... doesn't that also qualify as psychosis sometimes? *o.O*

Monday, November 9, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

Who can resist a lil silliness from time to time, particularly when it references something amazingly talented? :P

I am the very model of a cartoon individual
My animation's comical, unusual, and whimsical
I'm quite adept at funny gags, comedic theory I have read
From wicked puns, and stupid jokes, to anvils that drop on your head

I'm very good at fancy dances, I can even pirouette
Then smack the villain with a fish; I know my cartoon etiquette
I can make my face all mean and really give you quite a fright
Then make up with flowers made of real exploding dynamite

When in a jam, I just yell "stop" and villians in their tracks are froze
Then I sneak up, and utter "start" and take my hands and honk their nose
I am quite proud to be in such a hierarchial progeny
From Daffy Duck and Tweety Bird to Babs and Buster Bunny

To suit my mood I can call forth a lot of different sceneries
Like outer space and desert scapes and Himalayan eateries
From this bag here why I can pull most anything imaginable
Like office desks and lava lights and Bert who is a cannibal

Yakko,Wakko and Dot:
You see in matters comical, unusual, and whimsical
We are the very model of cartoon individuals!

*giggles and hums to herself*

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Oddball Specs..

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number, why was that gauge used? Well because that's the way they were built in England, and the first US railroads were built by English expatriates.

But why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines in Europe were designed and built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

So why did "they" use that gauge? Well, the people who designed and built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that same wheel spacing.

Okay, but why did the wagons use that rather odd wheel spacing then? Because when they tried to use any other spacing the wagons were prone to breaking down on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.

So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were all made to certain specifications for or by Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Thus we have the answer to the original question! The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification (Military, as it were) for an Imperial Roman army war chariot.

But that does seem to leave one nagging question. Why did the design of the war chariots incorporate that specific, odd wheelbase? Because ... the chariots were designed to be just wide enough to accommodate the back end of two war horses.

So the next time you're handed some oddball specification and you assume that some horse's ass was responsible for coming up with it, you may actually be entirely correct!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

Sometimes the cookies are pretty smart:

The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.

Case in point. *smiles*

Monday, November 2, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

Oh the truth hidden in entertainment (and history)...

So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause.

Yep, that's usually the way.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Who broke the walls??

A visiting church school inspector asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him.

The inspector, taken aback by his lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny, as well as his whole family, very well and can vouch for them - if little Johnny said he didn't do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth.

Even more appalled the inspector goes tot he regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening the man replies "I can't see why you're making such a big issue out of this. We'll get three quotes and fix the damned wall!"