Saturday, December 26, 2009

The Night Before Christmas ....

Although it's a few days late, I thought we all might enjoy a bit of traditional holiday poetry. I just had to share it after I read my email *grins* - in some ways better and in some ways worse than the original:

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.

Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through there cerebrums.

My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller.

With his ungulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptable.

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container.

He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptable.

Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage.

He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."

I truly, truly hope that this brought a smile to a few faces and that absolutely everyone had a wonderful Christmas this year. *smiles*


Monday, December 21, 2009

Random Quotes Monday

Every so often I find these fantastic gems that make me giggle. Me and the *ONE* friend of mine who might be able to identify what it's from.... *giggles insanely*

Person 1: Unless they go in the next hour, I am going to tell your mother that I'm a psycho biker junkie whore.
Person 2: It's just for the weekend!
Person 3: No. Not another hour. Not another minute! I'm about to stop playing "who shall I kill first" in my head and just go for what feels natural.
Person 2: *gurgles*
Person 3: I think I'll start with me, then it's you.
Person 1: *said threateningly* Make them go.

Honestly how could you *not* giggle at this?? Especially that first line! :P

Monday, December 14, 2009

Things I've Learned...

Right so it's been a while since I've done one of these and I've got a few moments to kill before my only final, so since it was on my mind, here ya go:

- when you're a girl and you don't shave your legs for like a month because you've been sick and super, super, super, super, super, super, super busy and just so not feeling the whole shower drama of "gawd I need to shave my legs again.. sighs" .... and then you finally do (mostly because you're about to go on vacation and "have to just in case!!") .... it's rather similar to chopping down whole acres of the rain forest - you see exotic birds and cats and things go fleeing for their lives. Seriously.

- spontaneous trips to Las Vegas are expensive... but fun.

- having a full course load of nothing but courses that require essay type assignments? Bad Idea.

- being an over-achiever? Good Idea!! Example: scoring 137% in some classes equates to not having to take the final at all and still having an A for a grade. Cha-ching!! :P

- what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas... so long as no one around had a camera and functioning batteries.

- self-preservation kicks all sorts of senses into high gear, it even improves memory so that one remembers to steal the SD card from any camera's that may have been present when things might have happened that weren't supposed to be recorded! Amazing!

- denying all knowledge of things that occur in other states is only convincing and believed if the state isn't Nevada apparently.

- Elvis is alive and well at the little chapel of love... and one of the shops in Caesar's Palace apparently.

- my cats love my brother way more than me, as evidenced by the fact that they behaved like absolute angels while I was gone. WTF is that about?!

- when you have enough silver hairs, people will tell you that you barely look twenty-five if they really want to sell you something. This generally works really well, apparently, unless you have a tendency to scoff and blurt things like "as if, fuck off psycho" to anyone you don't already know who approaches you with too wide a smile in crowded places.

- inexpensive rings are often the nicest. *looks angelic*

- Jeff Dunham is so hysterically funny live it makes your face hurt for a week after seeing the show...

- pink is actually kinda purtyful sometimes, but pink and sparkly is way better...

- dragons are awesome - not something I just learned, but it bears repeating from time to time. *grins*

And yanno, I think I'm gonna leave it at that before I somehow get myself into trouble - hey, peanut gallery!, try not to spill any beans today eh? *winks*

Random Quote Mondays

So my mom has been on me again lately about forgiving others and forgiving myself and forgetting about things so that I can be healthier and happier or some such thing....

Some people say forgive and forget. Nah, I don't know. I say forget about
forgiving and just accept. And... get the hell out of town.

Yeah, I like that better. Acceptance is so much more realistic. And I need to get outta dodge anyway - can't stand it here. :P

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Sit on Kinky Santa's Lap!!!

Seriously, it's worth it! If you haven't joined Fetlife yet you really should so that you can participate in the Sit on Kinky Santa's Lap giveaway. *grins*

Yeah, I admit it, I totally just pimped their giveaway. *smirks*

(What? I want the extra chances to win! *purrrgrowls* I want that 'spensive .. um .. nah, I'm not gonna tell unless I win! :P )

I (heart) FetLife: BDSM & Fetish Community for Kinksters, by kinksters

Monday, December 7, 2009

Random Quote Mondays

I like twisted stuff:

Yermo! Zevo! We're driving to Mexico in 10 minutes. Stop drinking or you'll get an IUD.

Same movie, later, different person *grins*

Maybe I could just steal a kid. They're small. How hard can that be?

And remember, if anybody asks, he fell down the stairs. *nods*

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Words of Wisdom...

Let's see what wisdom the cookie holds for us today!:

The greatest truths are the simplest and so are the greatest men.

Clearly the cookie writers never met my exhusband.