Sharing...

Right so I just needed to share this post my friend sapphire shared, cuz it's just that damn good. Go, read it now and giggle. That is all. ;)

Words of Wisdom...

So I'm pretty sure that there is a higher being out there, because I don't know anyone else who gets fortune cookies like the ones I do. Like this one:

Time is not measured by a watch but by moments.
Moments, however, are measured by watches.

... *blinks once, slowly* ... Right, so, like I said, I'm pretty sure there's a higher being out there, cuz She/he/it is really enjoying fucking with my head through my fortune cookies.

Fractions

{We interrupt today's Blog of Morality for this special update!}

So I've discovered that it's not so much math that I dislike so much as fractions in assorted math problems. I have a theory as to why:

I'm a greedy cunt!

I loathe fractions because I don't want part of something. I want the whole damn thing dammit!

*grumbles muchly*

I wonder if I could get away with writing something like

"I refuse to acknowledge the following questions (1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, 12, 13, 14, 16, 17, 19, 20 and 21) due to the inclusion of fractions. I find fractions offensive because I'm a greedy cunt. When you have fixed this issue in a satisfactory manner that no longer offends this particularly greedy cunt I will be happily answer questions 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, 12, 13, 14, 16, 17, 19, 20 and 21. Thank you - Da Bitch"

on tomorrows exam without my instructor having a heart attack? Definitely worth pondering.


{The Blog of Morality will return next week at it's regularly scheduled time. We apologize for any inconvenience.}

Writing Weirdness...

So I mentioned, when I did that blog about what my themes were going to try to stick to, that I would sometimes post my own poems or writing. So I've decided to start with this, mostly cuz since it's my blog I can do that ye see. *smiles* I'm not looking for critiques and will probably mostly ignore them, but if ya wanna say that you love my writing, you're confused by it or it's shit that you loathe... that's totally cool. (Hell, I don't like my poetry myself, I even did a poem about that, which I'll post... eventually.)

So I'm starting with "word poems". Each of these was written over the course of one particular week, sometime in the early summer (most likely May) of 2005... some of them for absolutely no apparent reason of any kind. The 'note' below was also something written at that same time. Oh and this is just some of them, there was like thirty of them. I'll probably post a few more next week or something...

Note: There are multiple millions of words in the English language, a good number of which are 'foreign', with new ones being added every day. If I were to try to fill a single book with poems purely for / of words I could work several lifetimes, write millions of tiny blurbs and never come close to finishing.

"Dichotomy"

Dual
Impulses
Control
How
Our
Thoughts
Operate
Much of the
Year.



"Waiting"

While
Attempting
It
Try to
Invent
New
Games.



"Poetry"

Possibilities
Often
Exceed
The
Realities
You accept.



"Friend"

For
Remembering
Incessantly
Every
Naughty
Detail.



"Patience"

Putting
All
The
Interests
Ever-ready
Near
Controlling
Employment.



"Clownish"

Cheerfully
Lowers
Our
Worries
Naturally
Inspiring
Smiling
Happiness.

Weekly Weather Report

I meant to do this yesterday, but I got distracted... it's all my brothers fault. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! But anyway, onto the weekly weather report:

This weeks Seven Day Outlook:

Monday: In the morning, high risk of cleaning storms, about ninty percent. Counters will clear up and tempers will soar by mid afternoon followed by a much needed shower and heavy study-traffic around the computer desk areas. In the evening, fair chance of a siblings hockey game, about eighty-five percent, followed by a lengthy drive to deliver kinky toys. Tempers will drop severely overnight with a chance of decent sleep until the alarm blares sometime early Tuesday.

Tuesday: In the morning, moderate chance of forgetting something important before dashing out the door to school coinciding with a high risk of accidentally running into the door frame and mashing a poor innocent breast roughly, about ninty-seven percent. Stress levels will rise sharply during psychology with a chance of panic attacks by mid-test. Worries will slowly fall into the afternoon with frustration levels rising sharply around one-thirty p.m. In the evening, risk of insane giggling, around ninty-three percent, followed by an exhausted calm settling in the area of the computer lab until the "chauffer" arrives. Talking will increase significantly with a moderate chance of minor verbal explosions until bedtime.

Wednesday: In the morning, olfactory senses will be offended, moderately to strongly, until the kitty box has been thoroughly cleaned, followed by felines plotting and attempting murder until their appetites are sated. High risk of household chores through the morning, about eighty-five percent, before frustration levels and tempers rise due to a nasty increase in studying for math. By late afternoon thoughts of killing math instructors and burning math books will be at a high of ninty-nine percent, risk of study cessation also roughly ninety-nine percent. In the evening, stress levels will wane due to giggle levels increasing dramatically either from futzing around at the computer or watching silly cartoon movies. Overnight, tempers will settle, risk of dreams being significantly stranger than normal.

Thursday: In the morning, high probability of forgetting to eat as stress levels skyrocket without warning upon the realization that no amount of studying will have adequately prepared for the math test, followed by almost hysterical compulsive glances into math notes throughout the morning. In the afternoon, determination not to commit homicide-suicide during math class will wane briefly before recieving test, quickly followed by quiet chuckles as the test is completed in under fifteen minutes. Late afternoon high chance of giggly hysteria before and through homework and other classes, followed by intense relaxation near the computer lab with a possibility of random poetry creation, around seventy percent.

Friday: In the morning, high risk of not getting out of bed until nearly noon, around ninety-five percent followed by ignoring the felines biting at ankles and toes because they're hungry. By early afternoon probability of resumed storms of cleaning coinciding with dark grumblings over how only one person in the house ever does any cleaning, approximately one hundred percent. In the evening, significant chance of attending siblings hockey game coinciding with a sore throat from screaming encouragement or abuse at sibling because he sucks mightily.

Saturday: In the morning, chances of yard work imminent immediately after tending to pushy felines, followed by advantagously enjoying being home alone for a few brief hours. Chances of attempts at studying by early afternoon, around thirty-seven percent. In the evening, probability of verbal sparring rises sharply followed by intense and frequent eye rolling at the sibling and frantic typing in the computer keyboard area. Overnight, risks of not going to bed at a decent hour dramatically increase in tandem with giggle storms.

Sunday: In the morning, chances of saying "fuck the morning I'm staying in bed!" rise signficantly as any hint of light causes hissing and knee-jerk pulling covers over head reaction. By early afternoon food needs will force a more animated response followed by attempted murder from the irritated felines. Late afternoon risk of studying coinciding with much growling every time it's interrupted, roughly ninety-percent. In the evening, chances of blogging rise significantly despite attempts to get shit done.

Random Quote Mondays

And now for another totally random quote:

I'm starting to see my life pass in front of my eyes! At least, I think it's my life...
was I ever dancing with an android named Lupé?!

Ten Husbands...

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"