Sunday, May 17, 2009

Tooth Fairy

Today's joke brought to you by: my own creative, drugged out mind some years ago when I had my wisdom teeth removed!

Yep it's true, years ago when I was on darvoset or percoset or somethingniceoset after having my wisdom yanked out of my mouth (and doesn't that just explain a LOT?), I lay in a drug induced haze and wrote the following letter which I then sent to my mother (I considered sending it to Dad but I had a feeling he wouldn't be thrilled being called "dearest tooth fairy") via email in hopes of convincing her to spring for a nice lil dinner out with my then spouse - sadly it didn't work, but let's all giggle anyway! Hurrah!

Dearest Tooth Fairy,

It's been quite some time since we've had any business together so first let me remind you of the deep respect I have for you and always have. Yours is a very difficult and often unappreciated job and you do it exceptionally well despite the lack of vacation and benefits. That said, as you're aware I have recently had four teeth removed which I know you're looking forward to retrieving for your vast collection. Being that they are rare teeth - not everyone has a full set of wisdoms after all and only gets one set to boot! - I feel that the traditional $2.50 per tooth is inadequate. As you know giving up these particular teeth so that I might aid in your admirable collecting has presented me with something of a problem, leaving me too tender and sore to eat normal food and unable to sleep for several days. With all of that in mind I possit that I simply cannot accept less than $5.00 per tooth - but rest assured that it will go to a good cause! Purchasing a lovely, healthy, *solid* meal for myself and my spouse at a fine dining establishment once I have regained full use of mouth. If that is acceptable to you simply leave the money in the usual place. I look greatly forward to hearing from you at your earliest possible convience. It's been wonderful doing business with you again.

In admiration,

Note: Mom did respond to the email, she called me, laughing her ass off, and told me I'd made her day, we had a great chat, but even that didn't manage to pursuade her to give me 20$, although I discovered that I must've inherited most of my sense of humour (and perhaps, my sadistic side?) from her - the next greeting card I got from her had a quarter in it.


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