Friday, January 23, 2009

Things I've learned...

After my first full 'week' of being a college student (again) I've decided now might be a fantastic time to share some of the wonderful things I've learned. In no particular order.

1) Being sick sucks seriously nasty, sweaty donkey balls. I already knew this but it bears repeating.

2) Coughing so hard that your back hurts and people around you cringe sucks even more.

3) Practically being able to hear those people thinking "why did she bother coming if she's so sick? I better not catch anything..." is really, Really irritating.

4) I hope they all caught something.

5) I'm way meaner than I thought.

6) Wearing a shirt that says "Which one of my personalities do you find offensive?" to a psychology class makes the teacher do a double take and then giggle.

7) Even when I have almost no voice, my "group" in any given class will elect me as "spokesperson" if we have to talk to the room at large.

8) Even though I can't hear myself apparently I can still manage to project my sore throat squeaky voice enough for a room of sixty some-odd people to understand me and chuckle at my tongue-in-cheek almost-dry humour.

9) My philosophy professor is either going to adore me or reeeeeeeeeeally loathe me within the next four weeks when I turn in the "world view" paper which isn't technically due until the end of the semester...

10) ... when I ask a teacher if there's a maximum page number for an assignment that has a minimum of four... they should worry. A lot.

11) By the end of next week my philosophy classmates are going to be convinced that I'm psychotic.. because they suffer from groupthink. Poor silly sheeple.

12) A brisk twelve minute walk in order to get to my next class on time when I'm sick ... sucks severely sweaty, nasty donkey balls.

13) It sucks even more when it starts drizzling.

14) And I don't have an umbrella.

15) Nazi-esque math teachers have a purpose in life too.

16) I'm pretty sure their purpose is to drive me more insane than I already am.

17) Fractions are evil.

18) So are variables.

19) When I'm sick, the weather also becomes miserable - grey cloudy sky, drizzly, chilly, the works - doesn't matter what state I'm in either, it may have been eighty degrees three days ago, but once I'm sick, BOOM, it's fifty.

20) It only drizzles while I'm taking my brisk twelve minute walks towards classes on opposite sides of the campus. When I'm sick. And don't have an umbrella.

21) Sometimes the Universe is nice to me, randomly. (Don't ask why, it's scary.)

22) Even when I'm sick, I flirt.

23) New Yorkers really don't change, they just transplant, some more successfully than others.

24) All NYers are, apparently, Italians - as evidenced by the various NYers we run into outside of NY at any given time in any given place all being Italians.

25) That makes me feel more human somehow, in a good "hey I'm smiling and I'm not trying to kill anyone!" kind of way.

26) A particularly strong compulsion of mine (remember, I have OCD), is to sit really close to the little tank that has the evil creepy crawly eight legged horrors... I can only assume this is so that I can keep an eye on them in case they try to escape or something.

27) Getting to know the guy who works in the cafe, the evening maintenance peoples and the guys wearing the "campus safety" shirts ... means special priveleges after hours, like staying in the comp lab building after the building is supposed to be locked.

28) Having a pathetic reason for asking (like the fact that it's only 830 and my ride won't be here until at least 1030 and I'm audibly [and visibly!] sick) just kind of ices the cake and makes them feel good about letting me stay inside.

29) It also makes prompts them into offering to help me if I "need anything at all" ...

30) ... some of them should probably be worrying now. If they aren't, they don't know me yet.

31) After a full day of classes there's very little brain power left with which to do anything other than: read things that have nothing to do with classes (you know, FUN books like HP!), go through email, or put your head down on your arms and hope that the pain stops sometime soon... even though there's enough homework to do that it will take four days to complete it.

32) When I say "in no particular order" apparently it implies that things will at least still be mostly chronological.

33) Another strong compulsion of mine has to do with multiples of three... everything HAS to be in multiples of three if I have my way. Which I did. Yay me!

... and there you have it. I'm sure I learned more than that, but that's not bad for two days of classes really. : )


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