Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Dear roomie...

Dear Brainiac,

It's wonderful that you did dishes a few weeks ago. Really, it's awesome. It's really sweet that every so often you take out the trash or bring the can to the curb or back up from the curb. Honest, it's just a really nice surprise when it happens.

Now take the stick out of your ass and thrust that completely undeserved ego and your holier-than-thou whiny bitchass attitude aside and fucking do it more frequently you alcoholic Moronic DOUCHEBAG!!

The fact that you decided to clean your room a few days ago is wonderful. Yay you! I fucking care why? Oh, right! I remember why... because I had just done dishes for like the fifth time in two days and there were NO DISHES in the sink or on the counters or in the brothers room or on the stove or anywhere else... EXCEPT apparently for in your room.

It's so sweet that you were collecting them, apparently you were bored or something.

You made it sound as if you intended to put away the clean dishes that were sitting in the dishwasher and actually clean the dishes you had been collecting and growing things in .... and yet, here we are, four days later .... and guess what? Once again I have done all the dishes, including the dishes you took out of your room and left on the counter with, it seems, no REAL intention of actually doing them, because you knew that eventually I would get pissed off and do them myself, thanks to my OCD. How lovely for me.

I am not your mom.

I am not your wife.

I am not your girlfriend.

I am not your maid.

I swear to fucking Christ and the Almighty himself that was the last straw.... the next time you do it, and I know you will eventually ... I'm going to pummel your scrawny irish ass into the floor and take the dirtiest glass you've brought forth from the filth that is your bedroom and shove it SO FAR up your ass that it will require a mining team to retrive it!

*growls and mutters*
Lotsa love and stuff,
The Psychotic Cunt


sapphire said...

you tell 'im! atta girl!

I'd probably get violent with him.

phoenix said...

Feel better now? Now print this up and tack it to his door....

Nyxmyst said...

Question of the day - Why the hell do you live with this person?

Tempestuous said...

Answer for da Nyxie: he's been our roomie for over a year, he wasn't =nearly= this bad when he moved in. Now he and the younger brother are "in a band" together... Personally I think that's really a code of some sort for "we like to drink bottled horsepiss swill until we look like the fucktarded douchebags we actually are and then do stupid things to make people either giggle or want to commit homicide..." Lately I mostly wanna commit homicide. I think your pms must be catching or something. *nods wisely*

phoenix said...

Naaaa they're just looking for a way to get and screw chicks..chicks dig guys in bands...Tempy you need to tell him to either (literally) clean up his act or get out before he drives you mad...errrr madder.

This post is brought to you by the word litexudd, rubberised udder covers.

Divine Chaos said...

next time he leaves dirty dishes on the counter ..wait until he falls asleep, open the bedroom door quietly, and chuck all the nasty dirty dishes at him .. one at a time, in rapid succession.

or, give him notice to get the fuck out.

Actually, I'd do both .. in that order :)

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