Sunday, March 15, 2009

Tech Support...

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, in fact crash the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 In the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

A Troubled User

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony &Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. Installing new entertainment applications such as Dinner and a Movie 7.0, Tickle the Pickle 3.1, Licking the Long Lollipop 1.3 and Hiding Mr. Happy 4.2 may enable you to occasionally run your old favorites again.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software such as Flowers 2.1, Diamonds 5.0 and Multiple Orgasms 4.7!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support


phoenix said...

Hmmmm d'you suppose we single women could install Multiple Orgasms 4.7??? Where would we buy it?

OH! Did I say that aloud?? *blushes TOTALLY innocently*

Remo said...

Phoenix: The program you mention is now available at

Operators are standing by....

I've used both systems over the years and have more luck with Girlfriend. I liked Wife 1.0 and even upgraded to Wife 2.0 but my system caught a virus and crashed on me. I hear the only way to avoid the virus infection is to install Prenup 3.1 prior to installing the Wife system.

I use a legal pad now. It's cheaper.

Tempestuous said...

*squeals with laughter* Remo, that was adorable.. thanks for adding! :D

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